#(( also sorry for the wait things have been a bit hectic for me the past few days ))

[honeyedmiller]

A Burning Desire part eight

firefighter!joel miller x f!reader

series masterlist

rating: 18+, minors do not interact.

warnings: fluff, vulnerability, shimmer mention!, brief mentions of past verbal abuse, angst, mentions of pregnancy (reader’s sister), extremely inaccurate descriptions of how insurance / payout works (just go with it, it’s fiction lol), smut (fingering, m!oral receiving, masturbation, phone sex), no use of y/n. if there’s anything i missed, please lmk.

word count: 10.6k

synopsis: joel and tommy are sent on a dangerous work trip.

a/n: fuck. thanks for being so patient with me. there’s hints of foreshadowing in this unrevised (sry) monster of a chapter, and the next chapter will be angsty. i hope you enjoy tho. thx for sticking around and reading my silly little story <3

Getting back into the swing of things after the holidays has always deemed itself to be arduous. You’re lucky you work from home, but you’d taken on the responsibility of getting Sarah out of the house in time to drive her to school. It’s not that you mind at all, you just hate getting up out of a warm bed, especially when you have Joel as your own personal furnace now. 

Having two weeks off of said responsibility was nice because you and Sarah got to sleep in and you made her breakfast with hot cocoa nearly every morning before you had to clock in for work. She’d spend most of her break over at her friend’s house or reading a book either in the living room or her room, anyway. 

She has since gone back to school, and having the house to yourself again is still a bit unnerving, which is why it’s nice on days like this where Joel has off from work and can spend some time with you. Even if you’re stuck in your home office on days like today, he checks in on you once in a while to make sure you’re doing okay. 

Today has been particularly hard, only because the client you’re working with is demanding as hell and your boss is jumping down your throat to make sure you appease said client. Your face is buried in your hands as you sit and decompress for a minute, and that’s when Joel decides to check in on you. It’s like the man has spidey senses for when you’re going through it or something. 

“Hey baby, I brought you some���” He stops short when he sees the state you’re currently in. 

“You okay, honeybee?” His voice is gentle and honestly concerned, and your heart melts yet again at how sweet he is. 

“Work’s just stressing me out a bit,” you answer truthfully. You look up at him from your seat as he stands beside you, setting down a small bowl of fruit for you to snack on next to you on the desk. You softly smile at the fruit before looking back up at him. “Thank you, handsome.” 

“Ain’t a thing, baby. ‘M sorry you’re so stressed. Anythin’ I can do to help?” 

He steps behind you now and his large, warm hands land on your shoulders before he begins to massage them. You groan softly and loll your head to the side, rolling your lips into your mouth before shaking your head. 

“Nah. Luckily this is my last day dealing with this client, so it’ll only be for a few more hours. Thank you though, baby. It means a lot.”

You reach up and grab one of his hands, giving it a thoughtful squeeze before you let go to reply to an email your boss sent you.��

“Well what if I told you that I have a date planned for us this weekend?” 

You look up at him with furrowed brows. “Where?” You ask, excitement taking over your body. 

“Well, I know everythin’s been kinda hectic with my accident and me healing, your sister’s news, you movin’ in, the holidays, and Tommy and Maria’s engagement. We’ve been so busy n’ we’ve barely had any time to ourselves outside of the house in a while, so I wanna take you somewhere kinda peaceful.” 

He doesn’t give away too much, but you’re already on board.  

“You’ve got me intrigued. Can’t wait to see what you have up that sleeve of yours.” 

“Good, ‘cus I also bought you a couple ‘a things to go along with this weekend’s date.” 

“Oh?” You give him an incredulous look, but his boyish shit-eating grin is all you need to see to not ask any further questions, no matter how piqued your curiosity is. 

You smile up at him and shake your head, focusing back on your work. You sit in silence for a couple of minutes as he continues to massage your shoulders while you type away. 

“I’m gonna go on a run. I’ll be back in time to fix you up some lunch.” He kisses the top of your head before you look up at him with a small smile. 

“If I wasn’t glued to this desk right now I’d join you,” you laugh. “Be careful out there, baby.” 

“Always am. Maybe I can exercise you in another way later on,” he says, smirking down at you with mischief written all over his face. 

“You’re insatiable, Mr. Miller.” But the idea doesn’t sound half bad. 

He holds his hands up defensively. “Can’t blame a guy for wantin’ to love his lady right, can you?” 

You roll your eyes with a laugh and tug him down gently by his shirt before giving him a lengthy kiss. You release him and pat his abdomen twice. “Have fun on your run, cowboy.” 

-

After a long week, the weekend finally rolled around and Joel still wouldn’t tell you exactly what you two were going to do on your date. 

He just kept reassuring you that you’d love it, and you’ve slowly learned to just go with the flow and not ask anymore questions. 

He insisted you wear a blindfold this time, and made you get into his truck as he took the next few minutes to put whatever it was in the back seat before you both took off. 

You ride passenger for about thirty minutes or so with soft tunes of George Strait playing in the background before you hear gravel crunch under the tires of the truck as Joel turns left. 

“You aren’t exploring a new kink right now, are you?” You snort, turning your head in his general direction. “Blindfolding me like this just to take me in the middle of nowhere and have deliciously rough sex with me and make me fall in love with you even more, hm? Is this your diabolical plan?” You can’t help but wiggle your eyebrows at your own absolute absurdness. 

He chuckles deeply and you can practically feel him rolling his eyes at you as the brakes squeak slightly and the truck comes to a slow stop. It’s silent for a moment before you hear him move, and you feel the heat of his body right next to you. 

“Not today, sweet girl.” The deep raspiness in his voice sends a shiver down your spine. He huffs a laugh before kissing your cheek and taking off your blindfold. 

You blink a few times as your eyes adjust to the light, the sun shining brilliantly on land—lots of it. Something shimmers in the distance, and you realize it’s a creek that runs along a trail that looks like it’s meant for horseback riding. 

Then it clicks. You look at him with pure excitement in your eyes. 

“Are we going horseback riding?” 

He can’t help but grin at the giddiness in your tone. “Yeah baby, we are. Figured we’d eat first, though. Packed us some of our favorites and thought we could make a picnic of it as we sit by the creek.” 

Your heart absolutely flutters and grows ten times fonder for the man in front of you, if that’s even possible. You try to hold back your tears of gratitude, but one can’t help it and slips down your cheek. 

Joel wipes the tear with his thumb as he leans in to kiss your forehead. 

You grab his face gently in your hands before admiring his beautiful brown irises. 

“Oh, Joel,” you choke out, leaning in for a loving kiss. You rest your forehead against his as you sniffle once. “This is so thoughtful. This place is beautiful. Thank you.” 

“‘Course, my honeybee. Life has been too hectic lately n’ I wanted to treat my woman to somethin’ a little more… relaxing.” 

“What a lucky lady she is,” you giggle, smiling against his lips and giving them one more peck before you pull away. He opens his door and hops out of the truck, jogging over to your side to open your door before offering his hand to you. You take his hand and he helps you out, feet hitting the ground with a thud. 

You both gather the stuff for the picnic before making your way over to the creek that was no more than a hundred yards away. 

You set up the blanket on some soft grass as Joel puts the cooler down beside you both, and you sit down across from each other. You admire the atmosphere, with the sun beaming enough to warm you up some and the song of birds chirping in the trees. The sound of water flowing up the creek adds to the blissful ambience, and you sigh in content before noticing a house off in the distance. 

“Does someone live over here?” You ask, stretching your legs in front of you as you lean back on your palms to hold yourself upright. 

“This is actually my uncle’s land. Tommy n’ I grew up playin’ in these fields and this creek. We’d used to help him on the ranch to earn some extra allowance durin’ the summertime when we got older.” 

You imagine a little Joel and Tommy running around in these fields whose grass sways with the gentle breeze—and then you’re picturing kids of your own. Kids that you’d eventually have with Joel. Hearing their little squeals of joy, chasing them around in the soft grass, making new memories for years to come. You imagine Sarah would be the best big sister, despite any age difference they might have. 

“This place is beautiful, Joel. Does your uncle still own the land?” You ask, eyes shifting back to him. 

He nods. “He does, but he’s had to hire help since he’s a bit too old to take care of the place himself. I know for a while he’d been thinkin’ about sellin’ it, but he says there’s just too many fond memories tied to this place.” 

“That’s understandable. I can just imagine a young you and Tommy causing a ruckus around here,” you laugh, and he nudges your leg with his own. 

“Don’t mean our mama and pops didn’t talk some sense into us,” he chuckles, face tilting toward the bright blue sky. 

“Looks like it did you two some good. They’d be proud of you both, I’m sure. Wish I could’ve met them.” You give him a sympathetic smile, and he gives you a small sad one in return. 

“They would’ve absolutely loved you, baby. I can just hear my mama now: ‘Bout damn time you wanna get settled down with someone nice,’” he sighs and reaches for you, and you maneuver yourself onto his lap. You rest your head against his chest as he wraps his arms around you, giving you a small squeeze while kissing your hair. 

“She sounds like a lovely woman,” you say, nuzzling into his strong chest. 

“She was. I’m very lucky to have had parents that gave my brother n’ I a great example of what true love really looks like, whether it was through their relationship with each other or the love they showered us with. I knew even back then that what Sarah’s mom n’ I had wasn’t true love. It was staying together out of convenience because she’d gotten pregnant. I really tried with her, but nothing made her happy. She became verbally abusive toward me after a while, too. It got even worse after Sarah was born. She didn’t want to be a mother. After everythin’ her and I went through, even after she left us, I’m grateful for her bringin’ my daughter into this world. I love my baby girl more than life itself,” he sighs, taking a breath for a minute as he recounts his past. 

“Raisin’ Sarah as a single dad truly was full of trials and tribulations. I did have help from my family, which I’ll always be grateful for, but I was doin’ it all on my own for the most part. Havin’ the odd schedule I have now and makin’ it work around Sarah’s took a long while, but we finally got it down. Nobody had ever wanted to stick around after a night together because they thought that me havin’ a kid was too… complicated. I can understand it from their perspective, but truthfully, nobody ever gave me a chance to get to show them the real me. They just saw me as someone they can check off their bucket list and mess around with because of my job and the uniform I wear. And then you come along, unexpected, knockin’ me off my feet in the best way possible and showin’ me that love is still in the cards for me. You’re it for me, baby. I don’t think I can ever express my gratitude to you for showin’ me what it feels like to be seen and—god—to be loved the way you love me.” 

You soak his words in before wrapping your arms around his torso. You press a kiss to his stubbled jaw, letting him silently know that you’re here for him. 

“Thank you for opening up to me,” you murmur, tracing your fingers over his back in a soothing motion. “I can’t even imagine what that was like. I’m so sorry you had to go through all of that.” Your voice holds a gratefulness and sadness that isn’t missed, and he shakes his head. 

“Thank you for allowin’ me to be my true self, emotions and all,” he says, and you hug him tighter. You recall him telling you that his ex would tell him ‘real men don’t cry’, and your heart hurts for him even more. How could somebody be so cruel to such a loving man? 

He sighs and lays down, sun glistening against his beautiful golden skin. You admire his handsome features and softly smile as you bring a hand down to run through his curls. 

He pops one eye open before giving your wrist a tug, and you land on him with an oof. 

He chuckles and wraps his arms around you, trailing his fingers down so he can put both of his hands in the back pockets of your Wranglers. 

“I love you so much, baby.” His voice is thick and low, causing butterflies to erupt in your stomach. 

“I love you too.” 

The easiness of which the phrase rolls off your tongue is a beautiful thing, you think. You’ve come so far with opening up your heart to Joel, and he, you. You look down at him and savor the way his eyes look like a smooth whiskey in the sunlight, the way the skin around them crinkles when he smiles at you. 

You lean down and finally seal your lips to his, and you feel him fully relax as he moves his hands from your back pockets up to the middle of your back and back down again. You stay like this for a few minutes, enjoying the feeling of each other as the soft breeze causes the grass to rustle and the sound of water and lips smacking is a harmony lost in the wind. 

It isn’t until you hear his stomach rumble that you pull apart from him with a laugh, maneuvering yourself off of him to sit up. 

“Sounds like someone’s hungry,” you tease, reaching for the cooler. 

“I’m hungry alright,” he says, leaning over to capture your lips in yet another searing kiss. 

“I’m serious Joel,” you laugh against his lips. “You gotta eat.” 

He sighs and puts his hands up in defeat. “Fine.”

You nudge him with a grin before opening the cooler, revealing sandwiches, grapes, chips, waters, two soda cans, and… chocolate covered strawberries. You raise an eyebrow at him as he smiles sheepishly at you. 

“Chocolate covered strawberries?” You parrot your thoughts, moving to sit criss-crossed. 

“I know how much you like them so… I made ‘em for you special.” 

If your heart could burst anymore, this man would probably be the end of you with his unconditional love. You don’t know how much more you can possibly handle, even though you know you’re going to spend the rest of your life with him. It’s the little things like this that he goes out of his way to do for you that has never been done by anyone, so getting used to his kind gestures has been a rewarding challenge. 

“Thank you, honey. This is so kind of you.” You lean over to kiss his cheek before handing his food to him, and you both dive into your meals as you enjoy the serenity surrounding you. Then a pressing thought pops into your head. It takes you a few minutes to conjure up the courage to ask Joel the burning question on your mind, but you eventually find the words. 

“Are you serious about wanting kids with me, Joel?” Your voice is soft as you look around again, then meet his gaze. 

He swallows his food before nodding. “I’m one hundred percent serious.” 

Your heart flutters. “You don’t think the age gap between Sarah and her future siblings would be weird?” 

Joel thinks about it for a moment. “No, I wouldn’t say weird. Might just take some time t’get used to. Ever since she was a toddler she’d been beggin’ me to give her a sibling, but I obviously couldn’t do that considerin’ I didn’t have anyone to… procreate with,” he chuckles at the last part. You laugh with him and nod, swallowing the last bite of your sandwich. 

“I couldn’t imagine growing up without my siblings. Even when there were times we all fought, we all still laughed about it later on and got over it quickly. Bless my mom and dad’s hearts, ‘cus I know we were all a handful.” 

You smile as you reminisce growing up with your brothers and sister. You’d want your future kids to have that type of sibling bond, too. 

“I know what you mean. I remember when my mama and pops told me they were havin’ another baby. I was over the moon about it, ‘cus it meant I’d have someone by my side for life. Tommy might be a grade A pain in my ass, but I’m grateful that he and I grew up so close together and stayed that way throughout adulthood.” 

“I think Sarah would be a great big sister,” you say, and Joel sports a proud smile that makes your heart melt. 

“I think so too, baby.” 

“I never thought I’d be talking about having kids with a partner ever again, you know. I’m happy we’re on the same page about this. I think it’s important to discuss this even before we eventually decide to take the next step in our relationship.” 

He nods in agreement as he opens the tupperware that has the chocolate covered strawberries, taking one out before bringing his other hand to coax your mouth open. He offers you a bite of the strawberry, and he finishes off the rest of it after you take your bite. 

“I’m happy too, baby. ‘S good that we can clarify things now. I’ve never been with someone who can communicate with me so easily, so I thank you for that. I really am just a lucky bastard who got hit on at a coffee shop,” he chuckles, shooting you a wink as you laugh. 

“Thanks for taking a chance on me, Miller. Glad I didn’t disappoint.” And with that, you lean in for one last searing kiss before you both finish off the strawberries and dust yourselves off as you take the cooler and blanket back to his truck. 

You’re about to head for the stables in the distance, but Joel stops you. 

“Wait, I have somethin’ for you,” he says, reaching further into his back seat. He pops his Stetson on and you bite your lip before shooting him a look. 

“Haven’t we already established that you in your cowboy hat drives me absolutely wild?” You cross your arms over your chest as you continue to stare at him incredulously.

“Yeah, baby,” he laughs. “But now you get to match me.” 

He pulls out another hat and spins around, plopping it onto your head. Your eyes also drift down as he hands you a shoebox. 

“Joel, oh my– is this–?” You’re at a loss for words, and he sports a smirk on his face. 

“Open the box, sweet girl.” 

You do as you’re told, carefully opening the box to reveal a beautiful pair of brown leather cowgirl boots with white floral stitching across the front. 

“Joel, these are beautiful. Thank you so much.” 

“Ain’t a thing, baby. Try ‘em on.” 

You slip off your sneakers and try on the boots, which fit perfectly. Joel adjusts the hat on your head before giving you his million dollar smile. 

“Beautiful.”

“You think so, cowboy?” 

“Absolutely. And y’know,” he pauses as he slides his hands comfortably on your hips, pulling you flush against his body. “Every cowboy needs his cowgirl.” 

He gives you a twirl before dipping you, leaning down to kiss you before standing you upright. 

You’re all smiles and giggles as you walk hand-in-hand to the stables, where one of the ranch workers greets you both with a smile. 

“Hey Joel, you’ll be ridin’ Stella and Shimmer today,” the man says. Joel gives him a curt nod as the corner of his mouth twitches up into a half smile. 

“Thank you, Drew.” 

Drew tips his hat to you both before walking off to tend to the other animals near the stables, and you turn toward Shimmer as you begin to gently pet her. 

“Hi beautiful girl,” you coo, stroking her snout. She nudges you gently and you grin before glancing at Joel. 

“She likes you,” he says. 

You beam at him before he chuckles and comes behind you, boosting you by your waist as you situate yourself on the saddle on Shimmer’s back. You continue to stroke her mane as you place your feet in the stirrups, grabbing a firm hold of the reins. 

Joel follows suit as he mounts himself onto Stella, and clicks his teeth twice to lead the way out of the stables. Shimmer follows suit, and soon enough, you’re both riding side-by-side on the trail by the creek. 

“Thank you for all of this,” you gesture your hand around you both before grabbing back onto the reins. “It means a lot to me. I had a lot of fun.” 

“Yeah?” He asks, his voice hopeful. 

“Yeah. It’s been absolutely perfect.” 

You take a moment to admire him and how the sun’s golden rays shine on him as it slowly starts to set, casting a beautiful orange and pink glow in lieu of bright blue. He gazes at you with such a softness you’ve never witnessed before, and you think it’s a thing beyond love. Devotion, compassion, protection—all in a single look. 

A look that has taken care of your heart when it was tender and aching, a look that has pumped it full of love again. It’s a look that flips your world around in the best way possible.

It’s a look that could make you cry. It’s funny, because you never used to be so in-tune with your emotions before. Before Joel, a majority of your life with and after Christian had you feeling so numb and devoid of any feelings or emotions. It was draining, and you didn’t think you’d ever be able to feel so lively ever again. 

Well, never say never. 

There are no words to describe the love and gratefulness you feel for this man riding beside you, but you know you’re going to spend the rest of your life proving it to him, even if it’s wordlessly done so. 

-

A few months down the line, the ranch ends up becoming a small escape for you and Joel. When you both had free time, you’d slip away and drive to the open fields to enjoy the calmness of the water under the starry nights, laid up in the bed of his truck on top of a bunch of blankets. 

It’s the only house around for miles, so it’s super private and quiet. It’s like your own little secret with him as you’d lay there, talking about anything and everything—and sometimes leading to more. 

You’re in the middle of more, trying to muffle your moans with Joel’s mouth on yours as his fingers curl inside of you. You’re aching and needy, rocking your hips against his palm so your swollen clit rubs against his flesh. It’s intoxicating, the way his fingers move so perfectly inside of you. 

You gasp against his lips as a dark chuckle rumbles in his chest. 

“Thas’ it. Atta girl, jus’ like that,” he murmurs his praise as you rock your hips so willingly and meet every thrust of his fingers, so close to your release that your whines start to mesh with your panting. “You gonna be a good girl and cum for me?”

You fist his hair between your fingers and smash your lips to his in urgency, crying against him as a wave of toe-curling bliss surges through your veins.

”Oh, fuck!” 

You gush around his fingers and down his wrist, and he lowly hums as your body convulses a few more times, stomach drawing taut as you come down from your high. 

“Make such pretty messes, baby. So fuckin’ beautiful.” He kisses your forehead as he withdraws his fingers slowly, sweeping them over your sensitive clit to spread your arousal before bringing his fingers up to his mouth to suck them clean. You clench around nothing at the sight as your head falls back against the makeshift pillows, gaze bleary as you try and slow your breathing and heart rate by staring at the stars twinkling so brilliantly. 

Joel dips his head down to kiss you, and you tangle your fingers through his curls once more before dragging a hand down his neck, to his chest, and down to the waistband of his sweats. You palm him through the material, arousal blooming in your core once more as you feel how hard he is for you. Feel how much he wants you.

You stop your ministrations for a beat, separating yourself from his lips as you lick the palm of your hand, only to dip it into his sweats and boxers to wrap it around his length. You give him a small squeeze and he groans, eyes fluttering shut as his head tilts back. 

You huff a laugh and lean up to kiss at his thick, warm neck, licking a stripe from his earlobe down to his pulse point. You suck a little on the skin there, loving the way he twitches in your hand. He feels so heavy and warm, and all you want to do in this moment is take care of him the way he deserves—so you do just that. You slide your body down after giving him a kiss, and the dazzling look in his eye is all you need to keep this going. 

You settle your shoulders between his thighs, now face-to-face with his weeping cock. You hum before giving the silky flesh a few more tugs before leaning forward, licking the salty bead of pre cum from his slit. 

“Such a pretty cock,” you praise, rolling your lips into your mouth before you look up at him. He doesn’t say anything, but you can see the flush that has taken over his neck and face in the pale moonlight. His lips are parted and his breathing is a bit ragged, and he’s just waiting for you to pounce. 

Usually, you love to tease him just to see how worked up you can get him, but you’re too impatient and want to hear those delicious moans only reserved for you. 

You lick a long, wet stripe on the underside of his cock before sucking his balls into your mouth, pumping his length as you gently massage him with your tongue. 

“Oh, fuck me,” he groans, hand shooting out to cradle the back of your head. You hum appreciatively around him, pumping him at a steady pace now before moving your mouth up onto his shaft again. You swirl your tongue around his tip a few times before taking him all, feeling his head hit the back of your throat. Tears prick your eyes as you try to swallow around him and refrain from gagging. 

“Holy fuck, baby, you like doin’ this don’t you?” His voice is a deep, raspy mess, and you clench your thighs together at the sound. 

He pulls your mouth off of him, the tip of his cock coating your lips in saliva. 

“Answer me. You like this, huh?” 

Fuck. The possessiveness in his tone makes you want to roll your eyes into the back of your skull as you moan, but you opt for a nod as you rasp out a yes. 

“Look so pretty with my cock down your throat. Can fuckin’ see it when you take all of me.” 

You suck in a sharp breath before your dazed, fucked out mind conjures up the words before you even realize it. “Like this?” 

You lower your mouth back onto him, and he’s spewing a string of groans and curses together, and he eventually moans your name like a prayer on Sunday when you keep deepthroating him like this. You don’t let up, either. You know your throat is going to be absolutely fucking wrecked by the time you’re done, but it doesn’t matter. 

Not when you get to see him like this. 

He sucks in a breath through his teeth as you let up on his length and just focus your tongue and lips on his tip, making his hips buck up involuntarily. His fiery gaze meets yours and you can tell he’s nearly a goner. 

“So…fuckin’...sexy,” he grunts. You grin as you kiss his tip and flutter your eyelashes up at him, taking him in your mouth and down your throat one more time before slowly coming back up, tightening your lips around him. 

“Fuck, baby, ‘m gonna–” 

He doesn’t have time to finish his sentence before he’s coming undone, coating your tongue and throat with his cum. His body shudders as you slide your tongue up from his length. You swallow and wipe the saliva off of your chin with the back of your hand. 

“You really are somethin’ fierce, woman,” he praises. You’re too dazed to respond, so you offer him a grin and a kiss to his thigh. 

Joel tucks himself back into his boxers and pulls his sweats up, pulling your body up to his so you’re cuddled into his side. He pulls a blanket over both your bodies and kisses you, and you nuzzle your head onto his chest. His steady breathing and strong heartbeat is what does you in before you even know it. 

You wake up in a bit of confusion, amidst hearing a constant buzzing noise. You’re still in the back of the truck with Joel, who’s passed out beside you. His breathing is steady and he looks so at peace, so you try not to move around so much before you finally realize that Joel’s phone is ringing. 

You have to dig around a bit to find it before you lift it up and squint against the bright light, only to see he has three missed calls from Tommy. Your heart drops, because Tommy is a huge texter. He only ever calls if something’s really wrong. 

“Joel,” you rasp, throat sore from your earlier escapades. His brow furrows and he softly groans, and you softly tap his shoulder. “Baby, wake up. Tommy keeps calling you.” 

His eyes crack open and he sits up, grabbing the phone from you. He dials Tommy back and presses the phone to his ear, still clearly trying to wake his mind up. 

You can’t ignore the anxious thrum of your heart. You have no idea what it could be about, and Joel’s face reads worry clear as day. You wrap your arm around him and kiss his shoulder in reassurance. 

“Tommy, what’s going on?” Joel asks, and you can faintly hear Tommy’s voice on the other end of the line, but can’t make out the words. 

“Shit, okay. I’ll be back at the house in 30 minutes.” 

Joel hangs up the phone and scrubs his hands over his face before looking down at you. He gives you an apologetic smile before leaning down to kiss your forehead. 

“Sorry honeybee, we have to go back home. Our captain wants everyone at the fire station in an hour. Somethin’ important he needs to tell us all.” 

You furrow your brows and sit up, starting to fold the blankets and pack them away in the cab of the truck. You ride in silence for about fifteen minutes, your hand on Joel’s as his sits comfortably on your thigh. His thumb brushes back and forth in reassurance, but your mind is reeling with possibilities of what could be so important for all of them to know. 

“Do you have any idea what your captain might say?” 

Your voice is soft with a sleepy lull to it, and Joel looks at you for a couple of seconds with a small smile on his lips. 

“No idea, baby. It has to be somethin’ big ‘cus he only calls us in like this if it’s super urgent.” 

You nod in understanding, giving his hand a squeeze of reassurance. You arrive home fifteen minutes later, and Tommy greets you both at the front door. You give Tommy a hi/bye hug and Joel a kiss before they’re out the door and driving down the street. 

You decide to stay in the living room. Watch a movie or something, and wait for them to come back. You settle onto the leather couch, wrapping a blanket around you as you turn the TV on and keep it at a low volume. Exhaustion sweeps through your bones as you lay still. Your eyelids get heavy, and before you even realize it, you’re out cold once again. 

-

The front door unlocking stirs you from your sleep, and the familiar tread of boots is heard walking into the living room. 

“Baby, I’m back,” Joel says. 

You open your eyes and yawn, gaze landing on the clock. Eleven p.m. 

“Hey,” you say, voice timid. “How’d the meeting go? Is everything okay?” 

You sit up, allowing room for Joel to plop down next to you. He spreads his legs and leans his head back against the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

“I have to leave. Well, Tommy and I have to go. There’s a huge fire that broke out in San Angelo earlier today and it’s spreading fast. They need all hands on deck.”

You take in the information and furrow your brows, pausing for a beat before speaking. “How long will you be gone for?” 

He moves his hand from the bridge of his nose and looks at you with a sad expression. 

“‘M not sure, sweet girl. Could be for a few days or a few weeks. It really just depends on the conditions of the fire and the surrounding areas.” 

You nod in understanding before grabbing his hand, once again squeezing it in reassurance. 

“When do you and Tommy leave?” 

“Tomorrow morning. Captain told us to rest up as much as possible before we head out. It doesn’t look pretty, and it’s a four hour drive for us.” 

“I think you should go wake Sarah up and tell her,” you say. He nods and kisses your head before he trudges up the stairs. You turn off the TV and follow suit, settling into your side of the bed after you wash up and change into your pajamas. 

Joel comes into the room a few minutes later, closing the door behind him. 

“How is she?” You ask, opening the covers for him. He strips down into just his boxers before climbing into bed with you.

He nods. “She’s okay. Sad that I have to leave, but I told her you’d take real good care of her.” 

You huff a laugh and nod in agreement. “That I will, Mr. Miller.” 

Then realization hits you—since Tommy is leaving, that means Maria will be alone. 

“Are you okay if I invite Maria to stay over here while you guys are gone? I know she can take care of herself, but I’d rather her not be alone for however long.” 

“‘Course, baby. ‘S your home, too.” 

And, it is, which is an aspect you’re still getting used to. 

He settles into you, nuzzling his face into your chest as he inhales deeply. He kisses the skin there once before wrapping his arms around you. You rest your head on top of his, running your fingers through his hair. He falls asleep in a matter of minutes, but you remain wide awake, plagued with the thought of him going out to do his very dangerous job.  

You sigh and scold yourself for even thinking about that, because even just the prospect of telling him to stay is so unbelievably selfish. You’d never actually tell him, of course, but you think it and the thought is all-consuming. 

You just worry, like any partner would, but you worry even more especially after the nasty accident he had. You know he’s been doing this for a long time, but you’ve learned that fires can be unpredictable and life doesn’t deal in absolutes. 

A couple of hours pass and Joel is still sound asleep, meanwhile you haven’t gotten a wink of rest. Your eyes roam to the bedside alarm clock—four fifty in the morning. You sigh softly and get up as carefully as possible, trying not to disturb Joel. 

Since you can’t go to sleep, you decide to use your energy to make Joel and Tommy some lunches and a few batches of your cookies that everyone at the firehouse loves so they have something to snack on while they’re on the road. 

You start with the cookies and make enough dough for at least three batches, trying to stay as quiet as possible. You hand mix everything and put the three baking sheets in the oven, setting a timer on your phone. While the cookies bake, you make both of their lunches and pack them away. 

You can’t stand still and need to keep your hands busy to distract yourself from your looming thoughts, so you go ahead and make a fresh pot of coffee, too. 

You pour yourself a cup and put a dash of creamer in it, taking a sip as you lean over the counter and sigh. You close your eyes and rub your temples in an attempt to ease your mind. 

You hear a door open upstairs and some shuffling down the steps soon after, and a sleepy Sarah emerges. 

She rubs her eyes as she gives you a small smile, making her way to the barstool that’s on the other side of the counter from you. 

“You’re up early,” you muse. 

“Couldn’t stay asleep,” she says, and she looks at the oven as she sees cookies baking. She raises an eyebrow. “I’m assuming you couldn’t sleep at all.” 

“You’ve got that right,” you huff a laugh, taking another sip of your coffee. 

“I don’t want him to go.” 

Her blunt confession takes you aback, but it gives you a bit of comfort knowing you and her are in the same boat. 

“I know, sweetheart.” You reach your hand out to cup hers, running your thumb back and forth over her knuckles. 

“I know he’s doing this for good. I just… I don't want to see him hurt again.”

You nod in understanding. “It’s a catch twenty-two.” 

She sighs, and you round the counter to bring her into a hug. 

“I know it’s not much of a distraction, but how about we go get a pedicure later on? Just to relax a little.” 

She nods against you before leaning back to meet your gaze. “I’d love that.” 

“Great. In the meantime, are you hungry? I can make you some waffles.” 

“Thank you, but I’m not super hungry right now…” she pauses, eyeing the oven. “I’d love one of your cookies, though.” 

You laugh and nod, your phone timer going off at the perfect moment. You take all three sheets out of the oven and set them down on racks, letting them cool down. You serve her one before starting to clean up, and that’s when you hear Joel’s heavy footsteps make their way downstairs. 

“Morning cowboy,” you tease, pouring his cup of coffee as he stares at you two in confusion. 

“Mornin’…you’re both up early.” He makes his way to Sarah and kisses her hair before moving to you, giving you a chaste kiss on the lips. You hand him his cup of coffee and he wraps his arm around you and gives you a gentle squeeze. 

“Thank you,” he murmurs, taking a sip. 

“What time do you and Uncle Tommy need to be at the station?” Sarah asks, biting into her cookie. 

Joel’s eyes glance at the clock on the stove. “Around nine.” 

It’s silent for a moment, and Joel looks back and forth between you both. 

“Y’all still haven’t told me why you’re both up so early.” He raises an eyebrow, looking to you for an answer. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” you shrug. 

“At all?” 

“No. I laid there for a couple of hours before I got up to make you and Tommy some lunch and a few batches of cookies for the crew while you’re on the road.” 

Joel’s eyebrows tug together. He sets his cup of coffee down, circling his arms around your waist. He holds his arm out, silently coaxing Sarah to join in. She hops down from the stool and hugs you both, and you nuzzle into them both. You all stand there for a good minute before Joel is giving you both a squeeze and kisses your heads. 

It’s like the sense of dread and anxiety hung in the air, and he clocked in almost immediately. 

Not much gets past him—you’ll give him that.

“I love you both very much. I’ll be alright,” he says. “I promise to check in every day when I can, okay?” 

His comforting embrace and reassuring words warm your heart. 

You all untangle yourselves from the embrace, and you give him a soft smile. 

“We love you too, Joel. We just worry for your safety.” 

“I know baby, I know. Believe me when I say there’s nothin’ I’d rather do than stay at home with you both, but this is an all hands on deck situation.” 

“We’d never ask you to stay, dad. We know this is part of your job and it’s important that you’re there,” Sarah says, pausing as a tremble overtakes her bottom lip. She wraps her arms around him, voice broken and soft when she speaks next. “Just be careful, okay?” 

You can see a flash of emotion in Joel’s eyes as he hugs her back, leaning his cheek on top of her head. 

“I will, babygirl. I swear to you.” 

-

You’re standing in a small group in the fire station, getting ready to send Joel and Tommy off with the rest of their crew. You’re having a conversation with them two, Maria and Sarah when one of their coworkers—Mark, you think—walks up to you, holding up the bag of cookies. 

“I just have to say thank you for these. They’re the firehouse favorite.” 

You grin and shrug. “Not a problem. Just a small thank you for everything you guys do.” 

He smiles at you and looks at Joel. “She’s a keeper, Miller.” 

Joel wraps his arm around your shoulder and kisses your temple. “I know. I’m a lucky, lucky man.” 

“Alright, it’s time to head out,” their Captain calls. 

You sigh and turn toward Joel. You offer him a small smile as your heart clenches with anxiety, but your expression never wavers. 

Sarah gives Joel a tight hug, expression still a bit sullen. You can tell she’s trying her best to hide it, but it slips through and it’s a look you recognize all too well. You give her shoulders a squeeze of reassurance 

He has that look in his eyes. The one where it’s filled with worry, with anxiousness. The same look that’s probably in yours, too.

You want to lighten the mood, so you tug him flush against your body by pulling the leather strap of his radio holster that sits across his chest. He laughs as his hands land on your waist, and you push your lips to his. 

You separate from him after a few seconds, smiling softly against his lips before you pull apart just enough to see those beautiful, worried brown eyes. 

“Be careful out there, cowboy. I love you.” 

He squeezes your hips. “I will, baby. I love you too.” 

He leans down to give you one more peck on the lips before he moves to say goodbye to Maria. You do the same to Tommy, wrapping your arms around him and giving him a soft little peck on the cheek. 

“Take care of each other, yeah? Life’s a lot more fun when you’re both here with us, unharmed.” You look between Joel and Tommy with a sternness they’ve never seen before. 

Tommy’s eyes crinkle as he smiles at you, his dimple showing up along with a flash of white teeth. 

“You got it, boss.”

He salutes you, and you sidle up beside Sarah and Maria as you wave them both goodbye. They climb into the same truck, and they’re on their way to San Angelo. 

-

Two weeks have passed, and Joel still isn’t home. He keeps his promise on checking in every day when he can, sometimes shorter conversations than others, but you’re grateful nonetheless. 

Today, your siblings all agreed that a lunch was much needed between you four so you could all catch up. It was the perfect distraction, and with Sarah at school and Maria at work, you agree immediately. It’s so odd being in an empty house when you’re not on the clock, and since you’d finished with your clients early, you had the rest of the day to yourself. 

You meet up with them at a local diner, slipping into the booth next to Emily. She has a small belly now, and you lean down to air kiss it before greeting her, Andy and Cole. 

“I’m so glad we got to do this,” Emily says, and you all nod in agreement. 

“I know. It’s been awhile since I’ve harassed you guys,” Andy jokes. You roll your eyes and throw your crumbled up straw wrapper at him. 

“So how goes it?” Cole asks, leaning back in the booth. The young waitress stops by your table to take your orders before collecting the menus, and Emily starts. 

“Things have been great, actually. Baby boy is healthy and Josh got promoted at work.” She runs a hand over her belly, and your eyes light up. 

“I’m so happy for you, Emi. How does Josh like the promotion?” 

“It’s great, really. He gets more time off now, especially to come with me to my appointments, and he got a pretty significant increase in his salary.” 

“That’s so good. I still can’t believe you’re having a kid. My nephew is gonna be a little stud with the coolest uncles,” Andy says. 

“What am I, chopped liver?” You laugh, rolling your eyes. 

“You’re only semi-cool. You’re with a cool guy, though, so I guess that raises your points.” 

“God, you men are so fucking weird with your logic sometimes.”

“Yeah yeah,” Andy waves your words away, before his expression gets a bit more serious. “How is he though? How’s Tommy?” 

“They’re okay. They’re exhausted, though. The fire had spread rapidly because of the winds, and they’re still in the process of containment, but I think it’s almost at one hundred percent.” 

“Fuck. I can’t even imagine. We had a pretty dry winter too, which probably didn’t help much,” Cole says. You shake your head and gnaw on your lip, deciding to change the subject for your own sanity. Emily senses it, because your sister knows you like the back of her hand, and she finds your hand folded in your lap and gives it a reassuring squeeze. You squeeze right back.

“So what’s been going on with you two? Anything new?” You look between your brothers, and the waitress drops off your food before they can say anything. 

Cole’s eyes avert to the basket of fries in front of him, and you raise an eyebrow as you watch him carefully. He finally opens his mouth to speak, but snaps it shut when Andy starts to talk. 

“Not much. Work is good. Can’t complain.” Andy shrugs his shoulders and takes a bite of his burger, and you nod before looking back to Cole. You nudge his foot under the table and his gaze snaps up to yours, and you give him an encouraging smile. 

“That’s good, Andy,” Emily says. 

“I, uh, I met someone,” Cole starts. Everyone’s eyes shift to him, and he sports a small smile. “It’s still pretty new, though, so that’s why I haven’t mentioned it before.” 

“Hell yeah, brother. Happy for you,” Andy claps Cole’s shoulder and he smiles. 

“Where did you meet?” You ask, popping a fry into your mouth. 

“Met her at the bar we went to a few months back. Finally bucked up and asked her on a date a couple of weeks ago, and it’s been going good ever since.” 

Although Cole seems to exude confidence, you know he’s more on the shy side when it comes to romance. You and him have always been the shy kids, while Andrew and Emily were outgoing and bubbly. When Emily first told you to put yourself out there with Joel, the shy shell of a woman you used to be went into fight or flight mode—but she ultimately ended up being right. 

You can hear it now: That’s what big sisters are for.

You’re grateful you and your siblings are all close in age. Although you’ve all fought over stupid, miniscule things that seemed like the whole world when you were younger, you all ended up being very close, which is something you’ll never take for granted. 

“That’s great, Cole. I hope we can meet her when you’re comfortable enough to bring her around our crazy family,” Emily laughs, and you all chime in and chuckle along. 

“I think Josh and Joel can attest to that,” you say. “I told him he could’ve run for the hills before Emi’s wedding, but that man stuck by my side and told me he wanted to meet all of you.” 

“Now that—” Cole swallows his bite of food, “—Is a real man.” 

“And look at how happy he’s made you. I love seeing you together, especially after everything you’ve been through,” Emily says. 

Andy’s face turns sour, frowning at the vague mention of your ex. “If I ever see him in person again I won’t hesitate to deck him in the face.” 

You didn’t have to question who he was. You already knew. “Get in line, Andy. Joel has first dibs.” 

The corner of his mouth lifts up in amusement before he reaches out to you, palm upward, making a ‘give me’ motion with his fingers.

“Give me my ticket.” 

You laugh and push his hand away, and lighter conversation ensues the rest of lunch. 

The waitress drops the check off at the table, and you mumble that you’ll Zelle whoever pays as the other three fight over the check. Your phone rings and you pull it out of your pocket to see who it is.

Your eyebrows furrow as you see your attorney’s name across the screen of your phone. You slide the answer button over and cover your other ear so you can hear him better. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey! Long time no talk. I have some good news,” he says. 

“Hey, yeah, how are you? What’s the news?” 

“I’m good, but even better now—apparently whoever hit you in your accident was some big wig’s kid, and the parents want to pay you out a big amount for your car and, as they said, ‘any emotional damage caused by this accident’.” 

“Oh fuck,” you say. You rub your forehead with your thumb and forefinger. “Sorry, sorry. Uh—how much?” 

In all honesty, you’d sort of forgotten about your accident because so much has happened in your life since that day. You smile fondly at the memory of Joel kissing you in the back of that ambulance, within only hours of knowing each other at that point. 

You had no idea that it would’ve led to this. A good life with an even greater man. 

“They sent out a check to your house, but I think it’s in the hundred thousands range.” 

Your eyes bug out of your head and your jaw drops. 

“I’m sorry, what?” 

Your siblings all look at you in confusion, but you still can’t wipe the look of shock off of your face. 

Your attorney laughs at your initial reaction, but you’re still in utter disbelief. 

You can’t even fathom that kind of money, but you’re sure your attorney is used to those kinds of numbers. 

“Yeah, so keep a lookout for a check in the mail,” he says. 

“Um, yeah, will do. Thanks for giving me a call.” 

“Of course. I’ll touch base with you if anything else comes up.”

You say goodbye and hang up, and you meet your siblings’ gazes. 

And, with a small smile, you pluck the bill from Andy’s hands. “Actually, lunch is on me today.”

-

You almost fall over when you open the envelope with your check in it. 

Half a million dollars. You don’t know who the hell this kid’s parents are, but writing a check for five hundred thousand is fucking insane. 

You stare at the numbers in disbelief as you sit at the edge of the bed, sun casting its brilliant golden glow across the paper in your hands. The paper that reads half a million fucking dollars. It’s like a jackpot lighting up in Vegas or something.

You don’t know how long you stare, but if you did any longer, your eyes would burn holes in the paper. You slide the check back in the envelope and put it in your underwear drawer underneath your sports bras, because you honestly just can’t believe that it’s real. 

And later that night, when Joel FaceTimes everyone to say hi and check in, you don’t say a word about it. 

It’s not that you want to keep it from him, but you have an idea of what you’d like to do with a portion of the money, and you’d rather keep that idea a surprise for the time being. 

You trudge upstairs once more after Maria and Sarah say goodnight to Joel and Tommy, but Joel tells you to stay on the phone. He watches you do your night routine before you slip into an old oversized Texas A&M sweatshirt of his, sliding into bed. 

“I miss my woman somethin’ awful,” his deep voice rings through the phone. You look at the screen and sigh, a small smile settling onto your lips. He looks so exhausted, and all you want is for him to be safe at home again. By your side in bed. 

“I miss you too, handsome. How’s it looking out there?” 

He groans as he settles onto a bed himself folding an arm to lay his hand behind his head. 

“‘S kickin’ our asses. Embers from the original fire sparked a new one. It’s smaller, but these winds ain’t helping a damn thing.” 

“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry to hear that,” you say, gnawing on your lip as your eyebrows furrow in worry. “I feel awful that I can’t do anything to help.” 

“There is one thing,” he says. You recognize the tone in his voice—want. 

“What’s on your mind, Mr. Miller?”  

“You wearin’ my old sweatshirt?” He asks. 

You purse your lips and nod, watching how his expression turns lustful and determined in the confines of his temporary bedroom. 

“Wearing it ‘cus it smells like you,” you confess. 

A groan rips from his throat and scrapes low in your belly, and your eyes flutter shut as you feel slick already beginning to pool from the heat between your legs. 

“Are we really gonna do this?” You huff a laugh, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“I was a touch-starved man before I met you, baby. Then you go n’ spoil me with your pretty hands that can’t seem to keep to themselves.” 

“You could always tell me to stop, you know,” you purr. There’s some shuffling on the other end, and you see his heavy lidded eyes gaze at you. 

“I’d be insane to do so, darlin’.” 

“Would you?” 

He moans softly, and you realize he’s probably rubbing himself up. God, you wish that was your hand. 

“Mhm. Love when your hands are all over me, especially wrapped around my dick.” 

You can’t help but giggle, and a ghost of a smile curls at the corner of his lips. 

“Love that sound, too,” he adds. 

“You know what I love?” Your voice is teetering on the edge of a seductive whisper. 

“Hm?” 

“I love when my big, strong hunk of a man makes me feel so loved and protected. Allows me to delve into my femininity. Uses his strong hands and thick fingers to make me see stars.” 

You realize you’re probably babbling at this point, but your words seem to do the job just fine. Joel’s eyebrows pinch together and that all-too familiar muscle in his jaw ticks wildly. 

“Turn the camera around, Joel. Show me.” 

He doesn’t hesitate to flip the camera around to face the impressive outline of his cock in the gray sweats he’s wearing. Your thighs clench together at the sight, imagining what it’d be like to grind on him until he came undone. Hear his moans and strings of curses as he reaches his peak. 

“Fuck, honey,” you whine. 

“This is what you do t’me, baby.”

His voice almost sounds pained, but you know it’s because he’s held in so much tension the past couple of weeks with no way to release it. You’d do anything to distract his mind from the exhaustion he feels and fires at hand, even if it’s for a brief few moments. 

You decide to be a little raunchy, because fuck, you’re already in this position, and you want to be a good distraction—again—even if it’s brief. 

You make a show of yourself sliding your fingers down the valley of your breasts and down your stomach, wasting no time to reach your desired destination. You swipe your middle and ring finger through your slick folds, coating them in your arousal before you bring your fingers up to show the camera—to show Joel—how much he turns you on. 

You separate your fingers, and a string of your slick connects between the two. 

“This is what you do to me.” 

Joel all but growls at the sight, slipping his hand into his sweatpants to grab his aching cock. You can just imagine how warm and heavy it feels in his big palm, and you sigh at the thought. 

“Fuck, baby. Be a good girl n’ touch yourself for me.”

He’s breathless, but the sound sends shockwaves through your body as more slick gushes eagerly from your aching, needy center. 

You slip your two fingers in your mouth, humming around them as you taste the tangy-sweet flavor of yourself. 

“Shit,” he says, a moan scraping from his throat. You grin like the Cheshire Cat before slipping your fingers down again, alternating between rubbing your clit slowly and dipping your fingertips into your cunt. 

You flip the camera around to show him, and it sounds like he nearly whines from the sight. You suck in a breath as you stop teasing yourself, slipping the two fingers fully into yourself. You pump them languidly, and hearing Joel’s ragged breath and gasps on the other end of the line has you writhing. 

“You don’t know how bad I wish these were your fingers and not mine,” you gasp out, grinding your hips up into your palm. 

“Oh don’t worry baby,” he pants, “‘M gonna give you everythin’ you need n’ more when I come back.” 

“That a promise?” 

“Mmm—mhm.” 

He matches the stroke of his cock with the pump of your fingers then. 

“Can’t wait to be buried in that pretty little pussy. Take me so well. Fuckin’ made for me, baby. So fuckin’ tight n’ warm. ‘S like a dream,” he babbles, and you have to bite down on the collar of the sweatshirt to keep a moan ripping from your throat.

”Need your mouth all over me too, Joel,” you cry, “Love it when you let me cum by your tongue.” 

“Yeah? Next time I’ll have you usin’ my face as a fuckin’ seat. Hold you down so you have no choice but to cum in my mouth over n’ over again.” 

“Oh, god.” 

“You like that, huh? The thought of fuckin’ my face to get you off?” 

The words die on your tongue as you try to speak, but the pleasure that was once a low burn in your belly is now its own full-fledged sun. It’s so white hot and you’re on the edge, gripping the phone in your hand for dear life. 

“Answer me,” he growls. 

“Fuck, yes! Yes yes yes,” you whisper-cry, and you’re unraveling before him on camera. You soak your hand and undoubtedly the sheets beneath you, but that’s a tomorrow problem. Your body convulses a few times and you moan as you see the white spurts of cum land on his stomach. He moans your name like a prayer on Sunday, and it makes you shiver with seemingly untamable arousal. 

He breathes heavily before grabbing a tissue to clean himself up, tucking himself back into his sweats before he flips the camera back around to his face. 

His cheeks and neck are flushed, and you can see the sweat on his forehead as he tries to steady out his breathing. You stretch and roll over on your side, laying your head on his pillow to inhale his scent. 

“I love you, my honeybee.”

You smile at the nickname and yawn, stretching your limbs one more time before curling in on yourself. 

“I love you too, cowboy. I can’t wait ‘til you’re next to me in bed again.” 

“I can’t wait either, darlin’. I hope this is all over with soon n’ I can love on you the way you deserve.” 

You grin sleepily at his words, post-coital drowsiness wrapping around your body like a weighted blanket. 

“Stay safe out there.” 

“I will. I promise.” 

And you’re fast asleep soon after you hang up. You dream blissfully of life with Joel in the fields by the ranch, of your future with him, of the memories you’ve yet to create. 

You dream of Joel happy and safe, not an ounce of the beautiful man troubled. 

But this is real life. This isn’t a fantasy where you can wish good things for people and it just magically happens at the snap of a finger, a rub of a lamp. 

His resolve was slowly crumbling. The weight of the world was sitting steady on his shoulders, breaking him down piece by piece. 

Each broken fragment of him, scattered and fragile, lay in your hands—

and this time, it was up to you to put him back together.

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[sc0tters]

His Caretaker | Jamie Drysdale

summary: after Jamie has too much to drink you get called to help get your boyfriend home.

request: yes/no

warnings: mentions of being drunk, tooth rottingly sweet couple.

word count: 1.54

authors note: Jamie gives me such soft vibes and this is fully what this piece is based off on. The baseball fan in me loves that picture of him (not even an angles fan but I’m willing to look past that). Fluff is not my forte so I’m gonna hope that this isn’t shit and sorry that you’ve had to wait so long for your request to be filled!

Somehow you should have known you wouldn’t be getting your own way tonight.

A relaxing evening was what you had planned for yourself after you turned Jamie’s offer of joining him and the boys at the bar. Sure you wanted to spend time with your boyfriend but going out was the last thing you felt like doing after the hectic day of college classes that you had been through all you wanted was a nice bubble bath.

Sure Jamie was a little upset that you didn’t want to come but when you told him to have a good night for the two of you, he seemed to take that a little bit more literally than you intended.

A groan fell from your lips when your phone began to ring “yes?” You tried to act like Jamie hadn’t just interrupted the movie you were watching.

Your eyebrows furrowed as you thought you heard your boyfriend in the background of the call “y/n you gotta come get Jamie,” Trevor explained as he was somewhat panicked “I wanna say hi!” Jamie whined as his eyes lit up at the mention of you.

You were quick to get up as you grabbed your shoes “I’ll be there in like fifteen?” Anaheim wasn’t usually known for its traffic but you knew that it would be longer for a weekend on what was bar central street “I want her now,” it was the complaint in Jamie’s voice that made you know he was doing his puppy dog face that he would do whenever he would want to get his way in something that you two were planning “and tell Jamie to stop pouting because I’m coming,” you pointed out as you shut the front door to the apartment.

It wasn’t hard to find the boys, Trevor had sent you a message saying that they were going to sit out front as some of the other boys were now also waiting for their girlfriends “y/n!” Jamie cheered as he saw you get out of your car.

A smile formed on your lips as you couldn’t help but laugh “hi baby,” he almost knocked you off of your feet as he wrapped his arms around you “missed you,” he confessed now making all of the boys laugh.

You kissed his cheek as he nuzzled his head in crook of your neck “you can let go of me,” despite the fact that the hug felt really nice you sort of needed to look at his friends to talk to them “never,” Jamie shook his head not liking your idea.

Somehow you managed to position yourself to actually see them whilst not letting go of Jamie “I’m going to get this man child home,” you announced drawing a scoff from your boyfriends lips.

Jamie furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at you “I’m not a man child!” He complained as he let his lips form a pout again “you’re my man child,” you spoke in a duh tone as you pecked his lips. It was that gesture that almost made him melt as his irritated look turned soft and smiley “let’s go,” he nodded as he sent a wave to his friends. The boys all couldn’t help but shake their heads as they waved back knowing that the Canadian was not going to remember this tomorrow.

It seemed that the second Jamie’s head hit the headrest of his seat he was out. In all honesty you couldn’t help but look over to him occasionally to smile at yourself, you found yourself the cutest boyfriend you could have asked for “baby?” Jamie mumbled as he looked at you when the car stopped at a red light.

His eyes fluttered open as he had woken himself up “hi love,” you felt giddy as he reached out to grab your right hand. Usually whoever was driving only got one hand for the steering wheel as the other was usually being held by the passenger, Jamie’s real favourite place to put his hand though was actually on your knee when he drove you two through the streets of California.

The soft sounds of the engine rumbling seemed to help Jamie fall back asleep but not before he could remind you “I love you,” it was like each time he said it you fell more and more in love with him.

Even though he was asleep you still responded “I love you too,” as you kissed his hand before you continued the rest of the drive back to your apartment.

The only real thing that you had felt on the way up to your apartment was the warmth of Jamie’s hand, he had this smug looking smile on his face too “what’s got you all happy?” You asked as the elevator doors opened up to your floor.

Jamie threw his arm around you “you love me,” he slurred as he tapped his finger on your nose.

It drew a laugh from your lips “yeah I do,” you nodded in amusement as he repeated that you loved him all the way until the two of you reached your door.

Thankfully you hadn’t locked it so it meant that you two could just walk right back in “I’m gonna need you to strip baby,” you cooed as you realised that the front of his white shirt had beer spilt on it.

The comment only made Jamie smirk “didn’t know you were so horny,” he teased as he placed his hands on your hips.

You shook your head “don’t want you sleeping in this,” you explained causing him to look down at his outfit, those denim shorts really weren’t ideal to sleep in.

All the boy could do was mutter an “oh” as he began to walk to your room. As drunk as he was he still seemed to have that clear thinking part of him.

He pulled the shirt over his head letting you get a moment to look at his naked chest “you like what you see?” Jamie asked as he began to unzip his pants. You smiled as you nodded “got me a cute boyfriend,” you announced as you placed a peck on his lips.

With his clothes now on the floor you picked them up “let’s go brush your teeth,” on the way to the bathroom you had the chance to drop his clothes into the hamper.

It seemed like Jamie remembered the few times that he had taken care of you in the bathroom as he walked over to the sink “sit on that,” you shook your head as the height difference between you two was not going to make brushing his teeth easy if he was stood up.

Jamie sat on the lid of the toilet as you had him open his mouth “you’re so bossy,” he mumbled as you placed his toothbrush in his mouth.

You sent him a thoughtful look as you contemplated entertaining his conversation “I’m just helping you.” You pointed out as you continued to brush his teeth “it’s hot,” you were surprised that you heard what he said between the toothpaste and the toothbrush in his mouth.

A smile formed on your lips “thank you,” you bit your lip as you tried to not let your cheeks turn pink.

His hands trailed up your legs before they wrapped around behind you to squeeze your ass “keep your hands to yourself mister,” you warned causing him to giggle as he raised his hands in surrender.

These cute moments in your bathroom weren’t usually a thing as you both had very different morning schedules and not to mention that Jamie didn’t live with you, he just had a lot of his clothes there “go spit and rinse,” you reminded him as you took the toothbrush out of his mouth.

He followed your request as he dried his face before he looked up to you with an over exaggerated grin “nice and shiny,” he spoke as you nodded before you motioned to him to go back to your bedroom.

Your walk back to your bed was short as you watched Jamie plop onto the mattress “oh my god you’re taking up the whole bed!” You complained with a laugh as you watched him sprawl out on his back “there’s space for you,” Jamie nodded to himself as he smiled.

You played your hands on your hips “where?” You waited for him to answer but instead you were met with his hands on your hips as he pulled you onto him “J!” You squealed as he wrapped his arms around you practically trapping your body on top of his.

The boy let out a giggle as he kissed your forehead “isn’t this nice,” he confessed causing you to look up at him “I have to go brush my teeth,” you reminded him as he groaned “nope,” Jamie shook his head sending you a grin in the process.

You furrowed your eyebrows “what do you mean no?” In all honesty you thought he was kidding “I love you and your smelly breath,” the hockey player confessed as it was now your turn to laugh.

You used to say that you were lucky he loved you.

But that made you think it was possibly the other way around tonight.

[1ovewoo]

PLEASEEEEE DO A SCENARIO OF THIS

finishing a office/group hangout because yunho and y/n cannot wait any longer to keep their hands off of each other so they quickly went home

and went on a crazy passionate (yunho dom with a sir kink) SMUT because y/n was becoming bratty and teasing in the car while he was driving

tysm for sending me this request!! i'm so sorry it took me this long to respond, the past couple weeks have been a bit hectic and then i just lost all steam abt a third of a way through writing this</3 but i loved the idea and wanted to finish it so i pushed through, i hope the ending doesnt seem too rushed and that you like this!!

cw/tags: fem reader, alcohol consumption (they aren't drunk), car sex kinda, masturbation (f), oral (m receiving), face fucking, dirty talk, a lot of pet names, sir kink, rough sex, spanking

a giggle escapes your lips as yunho’s hand slides higher up your thigh, his mouth nearly pressed against your ear as he whispers filthy things to you, his other arm wrapped around your shoulder and twirling the ends of your hair. the two of you were completely in your own world, so wrapped up in each other that you don’t even notice the playfully disgusted or annoyed expressions of your friends who are sitting around the table at the bar your group frequented.

all night, you and yunho had barely been able to keep your hands off each other; you could chalk it up to the alcohol in your systems or the fact you were simply in love, but it didn’t really matter either way. 

what mattered was you needed to get out of here before you started begging yunho to fuck you over the table in front of everyone.

(that line of thought can be saved for later.)

noticing the glazed over look in your eyes, yunho grins and turns to your friends, saying, “well, i think it’s time we head out. y/n here is pretty tired.”

the rest of the group either ignore you altogether or chuckle and roll their eyes, waving goodbye as yunho throws his arm around your shoulder and leads you out to the parking lot, opening the passenger door for you like the gentleman he is before walking around to climb into the driver’s seat. 

the first minute or so of the drive is relatively peaceful, soft r&b playing through the speakers, but you start to feel antsy.

“yunho…” you whine, reaching for his hand which rests over the stick shift and pulling it into your lap.

“yes, love?” he hums, keeping his eyes on the road.

“need you now,” you grumble, tugging at his arm to try and get him to touch you where you want.

“i know, sweetheart, but we’ll be home soon, and then i’ll fuck you how you need,” yunho answers, soothingly stroking your thigh with his thumb before pulling his hand away to shift gears as he approaches a stoplight.

you sigh overdramatically at being brushed off and decide to take matters into your own hands, hitching your short dress up over your hips and slipping a hand into your panties, letting out a small gasp as your fingers make contact with your throbbing clit, dipping lower to gather some of your essence and spread it up your slit to ease the way. 

from the corner of your eye, you can see yunho glancing over at you, eyes drooping down to follow the motion of your fingers as you touch yourself, but he doesn’t say a word, doesn’t immediately pull the car over so he can fuck your brains out in the backseat, so you keep going.

slowly, you slide one finger and then two into your aching cunt, beginning to thrust and curl them, forcing breathy moans and whines out of your lips as your other hand comes up to grip your breast over the thing material of your dress. you lift one of your feet onto the dash to spread yourself wider and allow yourself more room to fuck yourself, head lolling to the side to look at yunho.

his breathing has gotten noticeably heavier over the past few minutes and his knuckles are white where they’re wrapped around the steering wheel. glancing down, you also notice the bulge in his tight leather pants and you can’t help but grin.

“yuyu, feels so good,” you moan, eyelids fluttering as you pound into your sweet spot and let your other hand slip down to play with your slippery clit, “want your cock so bad, please..”

the car comes to a rough stop at a stop sign only a few blocks from your apartment and yunho’s hand darts out towards you, roughly grabbing your jaw and pulling you into a harsh kiss, biting at your lip and sliding his tongue over your teeth and the roof of your mouth before pulling away as quickly as he came.

“you little slut,” he breathes, voice low and condescending, “can’t even wait fifteen minutes until we get home? you need my cock in your tight little hole that badly? i thought you were my good girl?”

“i am, sir,” you pout, cheeks still squished together in yunho’s grip, “‘m always your good girl.”

“tch,” yunho scoffs, shoving your face away and stepping on the gas again, eager to get home as soon as possible, “that’s a good one, seeing as you’ve been acting like a total brat the whole car ride.”

in the midst of yunho manhandling you, your fingers had come to a halt inside you and now you slip them out to tease your clit as you keep pouting, looking out the window as your neighborhood passes by and yunho eventually parks the car in front of your place.

he gets out of the car without a word and you struggle to pull your dress back down and cover yourself appropriately before climbing out as well, darting around to grab yunho’s hand and hold his arm as you walk together into your apartment building, neither of you saying a word.

the playful atmosphere from the bar earlier is long gone but you can’t say you’re too upset about it, you did love to tease and rile yunho up so he’d be a little rough with you. in your everyday sex lives, the two of you didn’t have any kind of strong dynamics you typically adhered to, but every now and then you liked to act out and bring out yunho’s more dominant side.

now, the pair of you step into the empty elevator and you hit the button for your floor. before the doors are even closed all the way, yunho has your back against the wall as his lips collide with yours, one arm sliding around your waist to grab at your ass and pull your body flush against his. you can’t help but moan into his mouth as you throw your arms around his neck, rising up onto your toes as you enthusiastically return the kiss, feeling dizzy from the way it feels like he’s consuming you, lips and tongue overpowering your own and leaving you pulling away to gasp for air after a few moments.

you two stare into each other’s eyes as you catch your breath, the tension palpable in the confined space you’re in, until the elevator dings, catching your attention and yunho pulls away, letting you adjust your clothes as he guides you down the hallway to your home, hand never leaving the small of your back.

You pull your keys out of your purse with shaky hands and it takes you a couple times to get the key into the lock, but finally you manage and you enter your dim apartment, yunho closing and relocking the door behind you. 

you barely had time to slip off your shoes before yunho’s voice cuts through the silence, making you jump a little when he says, “on your knees.”

you look back at him in shock, but then quickly move to comply, kneeling right there in the entryway and glancing up at your boyfriend through your lashes, waiting for his next command. 

he cards a hand through your hair while using the other one to shove his pants and boxers down just enough to free himself, hard cock springing up against his lower abdomen, and asks in a faux-sweet voice, “now, darling, what was it that you were so desperate for in the car?”

your eyelids flutter, glancing at the cock dangling in front of your face before looking back up at yunho’s face, gulping and answering, “your cock, sir.”

yunho hums in approval, guiding your head closer to tap the head of his dick against your lips, chuckling when your mouth instantly drops open to let him rest on your tongue.

“two taps if you need to me stop,” yunho softly reminds you, and you nod your head, assuring him you remember.

and with that, yunho shoves his cock into the wet heat of your mouth, burying himself to the hilt, his tip hitting the back of your throat and making you gag, breathing heavily through your nose and blinking tears from your eyes.

he quickly builds up a rhythm fucking your mouth, the filthy sounds of you gagging and swallowing around his cock filling the open space of your apartment.

“fuck, you always take me so well, yeah? just need a fat cock in your mouth to keep you happy?” yunho groans, head thrown back in pleasure.

jerking your head back by your hair to pull you off his cock, yunho gives you a chance to gasp in a few deep breaths, shuddering at the string of saliva keeping your lips and yunho’s dick connected before you break it with your tongue, licking the salt of your sweat and tears from your upper lip. your pussy is absolutely throbbing and you press your thighs together, rocking your hips a little as you try to find a little relief. 

“is my y/n ready to be a good girl for me?” yunho caresses your cheek and you lean into it, his thumb stroking to wipe away your tears.

“yes, sir…please fuck me, i’ll be your good girl please,” you plead, batting your eyelashes up at him.

yunho groans and grabs you by the arm, hauling you up and dragging you over to the couch where he pushes you down to bend over the arm. he shoves your skirt up over your hips and yanks your panties down, chuckling at your juices smearing down your thighs as he does so. 

he slides three fingers into you easily, scissoring his fingers and meeting barely any resistance.

“please,” you whimper, pushing your hips back into his hand.

finally, the feeling of yunho’s fingers disappear and is replaced with the blunt tip of his cock sliding through your wet folds. 

in one smooth thrust, yunho bottoms out and without even giving you a moment to adjust, he begins driving into you in rough thrusts, punching moans out of you each time. drool slides past your lips and drips onto the couch, pooling on the cushion below your head.

yunho’s hands slide down your waist to grab at your hips, pulling you back into him with each thrust, throwing his head back in pleasure as the sounds of skin slapping fill your apartment.

you jump when you feel yunho’s right hand collide with your ass with a loud smack, more moans slipping out of you as he rubs at the red skin there. 

“yuyu, can i come?” you plead, feeling the knot in your stomach tighten.

“hmm?” yunho teases, pretending not to have heard you while his hand slides around to your front and he circles his fingers around your clit.

you gasp, rocking back and forth between yunho’s cock and his fingers, squeezing your eyes shut, voice strained as you say, “please, sir, need to come, oh my god.”

“go ahead, love,” yunho bends over you to whisper in your ear, and that’s all it takes for your orgasm to wash over you like a tidal wave, yunho’s fingers and his hips never losing their rhythm as he helps you through your high.

a few thrusts later and yunho comes as well, burying himself deep inside you and groaning as rope after rope of cum spurts into you, warming your insides. you moan weakly in overstimulation but say nothing, enjoying the feeling of him filling you up.

once yunho’s high has passed, he pulls out, helping you stand and wrapping you up in his arms. he smooths your hair back off of your damp forehead and peppers kisses all over your face, making you giggle.

“you’re insatiable,” yunho mumbles against the skin of your cheek.

“but you like me that way,” you grin at him and he can’t help but smile back, knowing that it’s true.

ty for reading! if you enjoyed this and would like to support my works please consider reblogging or checking out my masterlist!

© 1ovewoo 2023

[maximoffcarter]

We can't be friends.

Pairings: Casey Novak x reader.

Summary: Casey Novak's girlfriend seemed to be the perfect one after college, but focusing fully on her job was not exactly helpful to her love life. After years, she comes to find her past lover again, only this time...things had changed.

A/n: Surpriiiiise✨ This was requested by an anon a looong time ago when I said you guys could request song fics, and I am truly sorry haha🥴 Most of the requests I have are old, so bear with me, promise I'm getting all requests. And yes...this is angst. No second part I'm afraid🥲 But fluff will come...eventually. And I promise that more Calex, more Alex, and more Casey are coming soon. I'll try to finish the requests I have, and hopefully there will be more to come. Hope you guys enjoy this, leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻

*not my gif*

It all started like the perfect love story; Casey and y/n met at the coffee shop where Casey was working at the time. It had been an accident, Casey running into y/n and almost throwing the coffee she had in hands, and to apologize, Casey invited her a coffee and that’s where the spark began. Y/n thought it was cute how Casey had done everything to apologize even if she had done nothing, after all and after rethinking of their incident, y/n figured out it had actually been her fault, but neither said a thing, because both of them actually enjoyed talking toe ach other, and that’s where it all began. Weeks later, they had created a routine where y/n would show up and study while she waited for Casey to finish her shift, then both of them would spend the whole afternoon together until it was time to go separate ways. In y/n’s mind, Casey was the perfect person, the girl of her dreams; she was sweet, she was cute, she was kind, she was beautiful, she was smart, she was not afraid to be who she was.

Their relationship started after a few dates and a night of drinks where both of them confessed their love for each other, and y/n thought she was living the best love story she had ever seen or heard of. They both understood their careers, having some hectic hours at times, having to focus on finals or projects, at times they barely had time to see each other but they both knew they would be waiting for one another. And then, Casey asked her to move in with her, and things couldn’t have been more perfect. Mornings and nights together, every now and then their afternoons were also spent together, the whole living room floor full of papers, books, and notebooks, but they couldn’t have it any other way, not when they were together. They were both soon to graduate, and they were already looking at their professional lives, but something they had never mentioned was their future. It was something neither of them had thought about. They had already been dating for the last two years, the conversation didn’t seem important, and yet, y/n couldn’t help but keep it in mind.

“Case…I gotta ask you something.” Y/n bit her lip nervously as she stared at Casey.

Casey raised her brow curiously as she smiled. “Alright…what is it?”

Y/n sighed softly as she smiled. “I know we both agreed that we want to stay here in New York, that’s decided…but…do you really see a future…with me?”

“Oh, baby.” Casey chuckled softly as she moved close to y/n, wrapping her arms around her, kissing her forehead softly. “Do you really believe that I’d want anything else? Why wouldn’t I see it?” She smiled softly, her fingers running through y/n’s hair. “I’m not sure what the future holds for us but…I want you in it.”

Y/n smiled softly as she nodded. “I do too.” She huffed a chuckle as she shrugged. “I just…I don’t know. I guess I just…we’ve been so focused with school and graduation.”

Casey tilted her head as she grinned. “And you’re afraid that we will part ways. We still have a whole year for graduation.”

Y/n nodded. “I know.” She smiled. “I just…” she sighed as she placed her hand on Casey’s chest, playing with her necklace. “I don’t think I see myself with anyone else but you.”

Casey smiled as she leaned in and kissed her lips softly. “Neither do I. We’ve made our relationship work so far, we’ll make it work after we graduate.”

Y/n smiled as she leaned in to kiss her lips softly. “You right. We’ll make it work.”

Casey nodded as she wrapped her arms around y/n’s legs to move her to her lap. “Now, what do you say we take a break, hmm?” She grinned as she kissed her neck softly. “Just to relax a bit.”

“Of course you’d suggest that Ms. Novak.” Y/n chuckled softly as she wrapped her arms around Casey’s neck and kissed her lips.

********************

Y/n should’ve seen it coming. After graduation, everything had been good, everything was still perfect. They both went to each other’s graduation, they even made a trip together to celebrate, things still seemed perfect. But they had different careers, they had different thoughts about what they wanted to do, and to be honest, she didn’t expect to have such an amazing offer so quickly, the chance to have an amazing future ahead of her, but her future also included Casey. She wanted it to include Casey, but again…Casey had also her plans, she also had in mind what she wanted to do with her life, not only professionally but also personally. Yes, they both had agreed to stay in New York, they both had made it clear that they wanted each other in their lives, but that was until Casey started to figure out that it wasn’t just about their relationship, it was about their professional lives too. Before y/n knew it, Casey was distant, she had started working at a bureau that was a big deal, she had a mentor that saw a great future for her. She had a chance to do what she wanted to do, and y/n couldn’t stop her from it.

But then, the lonely nights started, barely talking to each other, barely seeing each other because Casey was busy, she had stuff to do, and y/n only found out because she heard Casey talking on the phone. When y/n got her offer, she couldn’t even tell Casey because she was busy, and she barely made it home for dinner. Most of the nights, Casey only came home to sleep and before y/n could wake up, she was gone. Not that y/n wasn’t busy with her own life too, working at a hospital was not exactly the easiest, and it wasn’t exactly what she had expected. Y/n pushed the offer for a few weeks, waiting to talk to Casey about it, but Casey was only focused on her stuff. And when the time to talk about it finally showed up, it wasn’t exactly what y/n had expected.

“Wait…you’re upset?”

Casey shrugged as she looked at y/n. “I thought we had agreed we would stay here in New York.”

Y/n raised her brows, a little surprised. “Oh…I mean. Yeah, sure but…I mean, we had agreed we would stay in Boston, and now we’re here in Manhattan. I had to transfer.” She tilted her head. “I transferred so you could accept your offer.”

“And you hid your offer for weeks.” Casey snapped.

Y/n scoffed as she nodded. “You know why I did it? Because all you’ve done has been work. You spend more time with Mary than you spend time with me. And that’s hypocritical of me, because I’m at the hospital most of the time, but I try to make time for you, and then, you don’t even come home.”

“You knew that out first year was everything about adjusting. I’m sorry I spend so much time at the office, I cannot help it.”

Y/n nodded. “And I know that, Casey. Trust me. I am not asking you to drop everything for me. But if I hid the offer, was because I was not sure what to do. I was not sure what I wanted, because I want you in my life. We agreed to that.”

“And you’re rubbing it in my face that I made you transfer to a place you didn’t even want to be in. And I’m sorry about that, but you made that choice. I didn’t force you.”

“I never said you did! God, Casey. Are you really trying to pick up a fight right now? I was honest. I wanted you to know about the offer, I wanted you to be aware of what’s happening in my life. But…” she shrugged. “Here I am. Waiting for you to notice me. You cling to your papers and pens, and I’m just here waiting for you.” Y/n felt tears in her eyes as she stared at Casey. “I did what I said I’d never do. And I did it because I wanted to, and you’re upset because I got an offer? Or why are you trying to pick up a fight? I never said I’d accept it.”

“Then maybe I should make the choice for you.” Casey crossed her arms as she stared at y/n. “You should go to California.”

Y/n furrowed her brows. “What?”

“You heard me. This…us? “We’re not working anymore, y/n.” Casey shook her head as she looked away. “I don’t…” She sighed softly as she nibbled on her lip. “It’s better this way.”

Y/n stared at her as tears rolled down her cheeks. “For me or for you?”

Casey looked back at her, tears in her eyes too. “Y/n…”

“Save it.” Y/n scoffed. “You’ve been thinking about this for so long. You were just waiting for the perfect moment. What happened to…it’s just me and you? It was us against anything…but I get it. You don’t see me in your future anymore.” She said quietly as she nodded. “If this is how you want to leave me, fine. I was not going to accept the offer.”

Casey tilted her head as she walked to y/n. “Y/n, wait-“

“Hope you get what you want in life.” Y/n simply said as she walked to their room, locking the door behind her to start packing her things.

Y/n didn’t want to push this, she didn’t want to beg for Casey to not leave her, to ask her to stay, she loved Casey, but if it meant to ask for her love, to wait for her love…she didn’t want this. Any of this.

********************

“Wait, what about Huang?” Elliot asked as he looked at Olivia.

Olivia shrugged. “He’s somewhere in California, doing some TED talks or something.”

“So, we getting a new one for now or what?” Munch raised his hands as she stared at them. “Novak said we needed Huang to confirm if he’s capable of talking in court or the case can go to the trash.”

“Guys, I want you to meet Dr. y/n y/l/n. Huang’s good friend, and the person who will be helping us in the next few cases if we need her.” Cragen smiled as he introduced her.

Y/n smiled softly as she nodded. “Sorry Huang is not here, but it’s nice to meet you guys, I’ve heard great things about you all.”

Olivia smiled as she nodded. “We’re sure that if Huang sent you, it’s because you’re good. I’ll show you the interrogation room.” She then walked with y/n, leaving behind the boys.

Elliot looked at Cragen. “I take it she’s good?”

“I trust Huang, and right now, we need all the possible help, so we get these girls some justice.” Cragen nodded as he walked back to his office.

“He’s right. As long as we get a confirmation that he’s sane enough, we’re good to go, Huang or not.” Munch said as he stood up.

Casey walked into the squad room and smiled at Elliot, walking to him. “Huang’s in there?”

Elliot shook his head. “Nope, he’s not in New York. Sent a friend of his, but Liv already took her in, so we should have an answer soon.”

Casey nodded. “Good, wanna come?”

Elliot nodded as he followed Casey, He furrowed his brows as he stared at Casey. “You okay?”

Casey sighed as she shook her head. “The DA’s office is right on my back with this case. I need a psych evaluation or he’s out before we can even blink.”

“Casey, you got this. We have enough evidence.” Elliot stopped Casey for a moment as he looked at her. “Is there something else going on in that head of yours?”

Casey looked back at him as she shook her head, sighing softly. “No. Everything is okay.” She offered a small smile before she walked in with Elliot. But just as she walked in, the voice on the other side of the room made her stop in her tracks, her heart dropping and her eyes widening.

Elliot noticed the reaction, and just in time, Olivia turned to look at them, furrowing her brows. She looked at Elliot for a moment before she returned her attention to Casey. “Case?”

Casey’s lips parted in surprise, but no words could come out. She cleared her throat softly, as she looked at Olivia. “Y-Yeah?”

“What happened? You completely froze there.” Olivia said a little concerned, walking to Casey.

Casey snapped out of her trance and shook her head. “No uh…nothing. Sorry, I just…I guess I’m too stressed right now.”

Olivia nodded, looking at Elliot for a moment and then back at Casey. “Alright…she’s…the psychiatrist is talking to him right now. She’s on his good side right now.”

Casey nodded. “Right, I need to go talk to Cragen but…let me know when she’s done.” Before anyone could say anything, Casey was out of the room.

It had been around two years or so since they had seen each other. The last time they had seen each other was the day y/n moved out of their apartment. Casey had tried everything to stop her, but it was too late. After that, they never talked to each other, didn’t even try to contact each other, they had entirely erased each other from their lives. And now, it was like destiny wanted them to find each other again, but Casey was not ready for it. She knew the damage she had caused, she knew how much she had hurt y/n, and herself…and she knew that y/n hated her for what she did, she knew that she’d probably freak out once she figured out that Casey was here, and Casey was definitely not ready to tell the whole squad their story, she had never talked about her, she couldn’t…it had been too painful. She had tried to stay as long as possible with Cragen in his office, coming up with excuses to not leave, or simply talking about where they were with the case, and just as she was about to leave, she ran into the one person she had been trying to avoid, and oh, her heart hadn’t beaten like this in so long.

Casey’s eyes widened slightly as she stared at y/n, licking her lips nervously. “H-Hey.”

Y/n furrowed her brows, offering a small smile. “Hi. I’m y/n.” She extended her hand. “You must be…the attorney? Olivia told me some blonde girl was in charge of this case.” She chuckled softly.

Casey furrowed her brows, staring at her with a confused look. “Uh…yes. Novak.” She grabbed y/n’s hand in hers and she felt a shiver run down her spine. “You don’t…you don’t know who I am?” She asked softly, almost quietly.

Y/n raised her brow as she let go of Casey’s hand. “Should I…know who you are?”

“Uh…” Casey shook her head. “No. Sorry, I’m not exactly in my right mind today.”

“Got it. This heat doesn’t help anyone, does it?” Y/n chuckled softly. “Olivia gave me your email, I’ll be sending you the evaluation, and if you have any questions, my number will be in the email.”

Casey nodded. “Great, thanks.”

Y/n nodded softly as she offered a small smile. “Nice to meet you, Novak.” She then walked away, leaving Casey speechless. What had just happened?

********************

Olivia knocked on Casey’s door softly, smiling as Casey looked up at her. “Hey there.”

Casey offered a smile. “Hi.”

Olivia walked into the office and raised her brow. “So…are you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

Casey furrowed her brows and shook her head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“C’mon, Casey. You know better than to lie to me.” Olivia sat down and crossed her arms as she looked at Casey.

“I don’t…” Casey sighed softly as she dropped her pen and rubbed her temple. “What do you know about y/n?”

“Well…she’s great. I mean…she has helped us so much with everything. She’s at Huang’s level.” Olivia nodded as she offered a smile. “And uh…Huang told us a little bit of background. She studied here, but after graduating she moved to California for an offer.”

Casey nodded softly. “Anything else?”

Olivia tilted her head as she thought. She then nodded as she sighed. “I heard that she got into an accident. Like a year or so ago. She mentioned that she had been in a coma for a while, she still doesn’t remember much. But recently, she was allowed to go back to work.”

Casey then understood, and her heart dropped at the idea of y/n being in an accident, and she wasn’t there for her. She sighed softly as she nodded. “Must’ve been hard.”

“Seems so.” Olivia raised her brows. “Now…are you gonna tell me why you’re acting so weird? Is this about y/n?”

Casey groaned softly as she covered her face, sighing afterwards. “I know y/n.” She mumbled.

Olivia nodded. “Alright…and?” She then gasped softly. “Oh…she didn’t recognize you.”

“She has no idea who I am.” Casey shook her head as she dropped her hands, looking at Olivia. “She had no idea who I was and I…I don’t know how to treat her, or what to say.”

“Was she…more than a friend?”

Casey nodded. “Yeah…she was.” She said softly, still feeling guilty about how it all ended.

“Maybe this is your second chance.” Olivia shrugged. “You can try to be her friend, you know? This is literally a start over, Case.”

Casey looked at Olivia and shrugged. “You think it’s a good idea?”

Olivia shrugged. “Well…why not? Maybe this could turn out better than you think.”

Casey nodded softly as she stared at Olivia, smiling softly. “Maybe so…”

“I’m…not sure what happened between you two, but all I know is that this could be your chance to make things better. Maybe be her friend first, and if things go well then…if you want, you can try again.” Olivia offered a smile.

Casey looked back at Olivia and smiled softly, nodding her head, and thanking her. The conversation kept going after that, y/n no longer in it. Casey hated the fact that it had been her fault for letting her go, she was happy to know the person she had become, maybe Casey would have stopped her from growing, but the fact that she had been in an accident and Casey had not been there…it broke her heart into a million of pieces. She wanted to make it up. She wanted to make things better.

********************

Y/n looked up as she heard a pair of heels approaching her, smiling as she saw Casey walking to her. “Ms. Novak. What do I owe the pleasure of your presence?”

Casey felt her heart fluttering as she stood in front of y/n, smiling softly. “I heard you were covering Huang here too. Thought I’d pay you a visit, and thank you for your help. We won the case.”

Y/n raised her brows and smiled widely. “Oh, Casey! That’s amazing. I’m sure it was all because of you. I’ve heard how amazing you are in court.” She chuckled softly as she closed the file she had in hands.

“Well…I still wanted to thank you. And…wonder if you’d like to take a coffee.” Casey nibbled on her lip nervously, hoping that she’d get a positive answer.

Y/n stared at Casey and smiled softly. “I don’t see why not. Are you free right now? I was about to leave.”

“Sounds good to me.” Casey smiled softly.

They decided to walk for a while before they actually found a coffee shop where they could sit and grab a coffee. It amazed Casey how little she remembered before the accident, admitting that she didn’t even remember much about her college years or even after, just a few memories popping up every now and then, and people? That was the most difficult to remember. Casey felt guilty, knowing how they had ended and now taking advantage of her not remembering to get to talk to her, but she couldn’t help it. Olivia’s words kept playing in her mind, wanting to believe that maybe this truly was a second chance that the universe decided to give them; not in the best way, but she could either waste it or take it. She couldn’t help the way her eyes stayed glued to y/n the whole time, loving the fact that she looked the same, as beautiful as she has always been, and she couldn’t help the way her heart beat fast for her.

Casey talked a little about her own life, there wasn’t much to say about it, since her whole life was dedicated to her job. After y/n, she had really out her entire focus on it, wanting to get more offers or chances to work in something better, to be able to grow, and she had gotten her place in Sex Crimes even if she hadn’t wanted that at first. She couldn’t help but wonder what it’d be like if she had another chance with y/n…if fate was nice enough to let her have that second chance and get back the life she wished she hadn’t thrown away back then, but she needed to take it step by step, not wanting to rush things. She was really willing to win her back.

Y/n stopped in front of the doors of the hotel and turned to look at Casey. “Thank you for the coffee, and…the dinner that came after.” She chuckled softly.

Casey chuckled as she nodded. “You’re welcome.” She said softly as she smiled. “When are you going back to California?”

Y/n sighed as she shrugged. “I have a few more things to do here. Huang is taking a bit of time over in California, so. I might stay for a little longer.”

“Good.” Casey smiled softly. “Will I be able to see you again?”

Y/n smiled widely as she nodded. “I don’t see why not.” She chuckled. “See you around, Casey.”

“Goodnight.” Casey nodded as she watched her walking into the hotel.

Was it wrong? Was this selfish? She felt guilty, she felt bad, but could anyone really blame her? She couldn’t just waste this chance, as guilty as she felt.

********************

“Who would’ve thought that Ms. Novak was a charmer?” Olivia said as she walked into Casey’s office, a playful smile on her face.

Casey looked up and furrowed her brows. “Where did that come from?”

Olivia grinned. “Y/n stopped by the squad room earlier. She was talking about how Ms. Novak took her to a nice restaurant.” She said in a playful tone.

Casey laughed softly as she looked down at her notebook and placed her pen down as she looked back at Olivia. “It was just dinner.”

“For what…like the third time in almost two weeks? Olivia raised her brow.

Casey rolled her eyes playfully. “Yeah, well…she has free time. I didn’t see why J couldn’t.”

“Oh, Case. You’re really taking this chance, and I love that for you.” Olivia smiled softly. “She said she loves the restaurant, gave her a sense of comfort.”

Casey smiled softly as she nodded. “She used to love that restaurant when we had just moved here. I…couldn’t help it.”

Olivia smiled. “What happened, Casey?”

Casey took a deep breath and then she sighed heavily. “I had gotten an offer here, after we had promised that we would both stay in Boston. I made her transfer and…then she had an offer in California.” She nodded sadly. “She was not going to take it. But we were drifting apart…I was stuck in work, always work…”

“She felt forgotten.” Olivia said softly as she sat down in one of the chairs.

“I made her feel that way. Because it was true. I was so focused on work that I just stopped putting her as my priority. And then I told her to go to California.” Casey shrugged. “And she did.” She smiled sadly at Olivia. “Now you see why I was thinking if it was a good or bad idea to try to befriend her again.”

“I know it sounds…bad. But it’s a second chance. And maybe, when she remembers, she’ll forgive you.”

“Is it bad that I don’t want her to remember? I mean…fuck, I’m so selfish.” Casey chuckled as she ran her fingers through her hair. “It hurt to think at first that she couldn’t remember me, that she had forgotten about us…and now I’m taking advantage of it.”

“I wouldn’t say you’re taking advantage. It’s like you two are getting to know each other again. Not like you just jumped into her bed, you know?”

Casey nodded. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Just…don’t overthink too much about it.” Olivia offered a small smile.

Casey raised her brow. “You’re as bad as me, supporting me into this.” She chuckled softly.

“Is it selfish to want to see you happy?” Olivia grinned as she teased.

********************

“Wait…they offered you a job here?” Casey smiled softly.

Y/n nodded as she set her drink on the table, looking at Casey. “Mercy hospital. Huang wanted to try to get me a spot with him, but…Mercy hospital sounds nice.” She smiled softly.

Casey nodded softly as she smiled, getting up from her desk and then walking to the table, sitting down beside y/n. “Have you thought about it?”

“I mean…” y/n sighed. “I need to get some things in order in California. I can’t just accept and move. There are a lot of things I need to think about.”

Casey nodded again. “You’re right.”

“What do you think?” Y/n smiled, a hint of hope in her eyes.

“What do I…” Casey furrowed her brows. “…why do you care what I think?”

Y/n shrugged softly as she smiled. “I’m just asking for an opinion, you know?”

Casey nibbled on her lip as she stared at y/n. It could be her opportunity to have another chance with her, it could be that chance she had wanted to have all this time after she screwed up. But it’d be selfish. It would be too selfish to ask her to stay. She couldn’t possibly tell her what she really thought.

“I…I think you should do what you think it’s best for you.” Casey said softly.

“Will you want to deal with me once I move here?”

Casey chuckled softly. “I’d love that.”

Y/n smiled softly as she nodded. “I’ll let you know my decision when I have it then. I’ll uh…I need to do some stuff but…dinner on me?”

Casey smiled as she stood up. “Sounds perfect.”

Y/n smiled as she grabbed her coffee and stood up. She stood in front of Casey for a moment before she leaned up and pressed her lips against Casey’s in a gentle kiss. Casey’s breath hitched for a moment but couldn’t help kissing her back softly, placing her hands on her waist to pull her closer. The moment was broken when Casey’s phone went off, making them pull apart.

Y/n smiled softly as she pecked Casey’s lips. “See you later, Case.” She said before she walked away.

Casey swallowed, trying to catch her breath, and then moving to her desk to grab her phone. Throughout the whole day, she was in court, arraignment after arraignment plus a trial. She had tried so hard to focus but her mind kept going back to their kiss, and how good it had felt to kiss her after all this time. She had missed the feeling of y/n close to her, her lips, her taste…and yet, she felt nothing but guilt. She kept overthinking over and over again. She tried to think what Olivia had told her, she tried so hard to be positive about it and to try and just live in the moment, but she couldn’t.

She was about to text y/n that she was on her way out her office when suddenly she felt someone at the door. She turned to the door and found y/n standing there, a serious look on her face as she stared at Casey.

“Y/n. I was about to text you that I was on my way out.” Casey smiled softly. But then she looked down at her watch. “Shit, did I say earlier? I’m sorry. I…”

“No. It’s not that.” Y/n bit her lip softly as she walked into Casey’s office and closed the door behind her. “We need to talk.”

Casey furrowed her brows as she stared at y/n. “Something happened?”

Y/n looked up at Casey, tears welling up in her eyes. “I never actually thought I’d see you again.” She said in a whisper, her voice cracking up with emotion.

Casey’s heart ached as she spoke, her eyes locking with y/n’s. “You…you remember me?”

Y/n nodded softly as she huffed a chuckle. “I uh…I was just talking to Huang and then he was asking me about you, how things were going, and it was like uh…wave that hit me and all of the sudden I remembered that…I knew you. You used to be my Casey.” She felt tears in her eyes as she shook her head, licking her lips nervously.

Casey felt a pang of guilt as she stared at y/n, walking to her. “Y/n…I-I wanted to tell you, I didn’t-“

“Is this how you planned on getting back with me? You were hoping that I wouldn’t remember, didn’t you?” Y/n asked softly as she felt tears in her eyes.

“No! I mean…” Casey groaned as she nibbled on her lip. “I did want to tell you. I felt…I felt guilty. But I couldn’t help it. I just wanted to start over.”

“And what a better way to start over than taking advantage of me having amnesia.” Y/n chuckled sarcastically. “You know I…I don’t blame you. But you know we didn’t end well, did you just forget about all that?”

“No…” Casey shook her head. “But I regret everything. I regret letting you go. I wanted to see you again. You changed your number, and I just…”

“You made your choice, Casey. You even made my choice.” Y/n scoffed. She shook her head. “I truly did want to start over.”

“And what about your accident? Why did you never call me?”

“I didn’t remember your phone number.” Y/n chuckled softly as she wiped her tears. “I’m sure my mom wanted to. Something might’ve stopped her.”

Casey nodded as she looked down at her hands. “I’m sorry…for everything. I just thought it could be that chance I lost…”

Y/n took a deep breath and then sighed as she tried to avoid more tears falling from her eyes. “That’s not fair, Casey. You make it seem like I was the one who broke your heart, when it was the other way around.”

Casey looked back up at her. “And that’s why I wanted to make things right. I wanted another chance, and I was not going to take advantage of you. I was going to tell you all about it, I just didn’t know how. I didn’t want you to hate me.”

“I don’t hate you, Casey.” Y/n said in a whisper as she stared into her eyes. “But I can’t do this again. I…I don’t even know why I considered accepting the offer here, when I have everything I need in California. And being here now…reminds me of what I lost.”

Casey felt her heart drop at her words, tears welling up in her eyes. “Y/n…” She took a step closer and grabbed her hands, bringing them to her lips. “Please I’m…I’m so sorry. I really am. You don’t know how much I regret what happened and how things went down. Please.”

Y/n stared into her eyes as she shook her head. “How do I know that you won’t cling to your paper and pen again, huh?”

“We start over then. We just leave it at friends. Accept the offer, move back here. We can make it work this time, baby. I’m just asking for one more chance.” Casey looked at her with pleading eyes, her voice low and quiet.

“We can’t be friends, not even that.” Y/n whispered softly. “Casey…I loved you. So much…but I just…I can’t do this. Not again. Look where you are.” She smiled sadly. “You have a conviction rate of 71%, you’re a recognized ADA.” She chuckled sadly. “Sort of…did some research.”

Casey chuckled a little as she nodded. “And you’re recognized in California…and have a new life now.”

Y/n nodded. “We have different lives. And it should stay that way.”

Casey tilted her head as she felt tears rolling down her eyes. “I love you…” she whispered softly.

Y/n nodded. “I loved you.”

Casey closed her eyes as she felt a weight on her chest at the words. Y/n sighed softly as she placed her hand on Casey’s cheek, stroking it softly. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, resting her forehead against hers for a moment.

“I’m glad I got to see you again. I’m sir proud of you.” Casey whispered softly as she looked into her eyes.

Y/n smiled sadly. “I’m so proud of you too.”

Y/n offered one last smile before she walked out of Casey’s office, leaving her just standing there in the middle of her office as she stared at the door, tears rolling down her cheeks. She had made a mistake, a terrible mistake. And maybe after all, her life would be dedicated to her job. That’s what she chose. And she’d regret it for the rest of her life.

[harrietlancaster]

Update 🕰️

Hi, hello and welcome! 👋💖

It's been a while since my last post. It's been a bit hectic the past month, being inbetween things, getting sick twice and other personal stuff going on, so I'm sorry for being so quiet over here.

But I haven't been completely unproductive during this time and am currently switching inbetween writing, planning out the overarching story and also drawing! So I thought I pop in and share a little teaser of my next drawing and even give you a bit of the story I've been working on.

I hope you enjoy! 💕

fic snippet under the cut

"Alright, my carriage is waiting for me. You see to it that the castle still stands when I arrive back. I don't need another disaster like the goblin infiltration. The Black family meeting will be draining enough."

After checking if Scrope had groomed his beard the correct way this morning, Phineas lifted his head from his various mirrors to look at the potion professor. The latter's attention had shifted to the window, his tired eyes fixed on a figure outside, walking back to the castle after saying goodbye to her friends at Hogsmeade Station.

Professor Black stepped closer to the other man, getting a glimpse of what caught his attention.

"Ah, the Hero of Hogwarts..."

Sharp eyed Black from the side, his lips pressing together in silent disapproval. He preferred to stick with his student's actual name, than this more dehumanizing than complimentatory one. The headmaster didn't notice as he stepped closer to the window, seemingly enjoying this mighty feeling of looking down on people.

"I heard Matilda wrapped you into baby-sitting our new superstar over the holidays."

Sharp held back from rolling his eyes at the wording, only shifted on his feet, his knee aching again.

"Yes. I owed Matilda, so I'll be watching over Miss Lancaster."

Phineas only gave it a unintressed hum as he turned back, overviewing his messy desk.

"You should teach her a few spells how to stay *out* of trouble, rather than bringing it right into my castle. Oh, where is this good-for-nothing elf? Brimsey!"

[...]

"Unless you want to brew your own butterbear, I'd rather advise against using moondew in one of your creations, Miss Lancaster. It can have some rather unpleasant side effects if not handled right."

He saw the dark circles beneath her eyes, especially with her skin being much paler then usual. She must be losing sleep after everything that happened. And now with her friends gone, she's all alone.

[...]

"She needs someone, Aesop. She has lost so much. Much more than anyone should at this young age. Please, watch over for her."

Sharp shook his head at Matilda's words in his mind. How would he be of any help to the girl? Matilda should've taken her to the Weasley house instead. She would've know much better how to "watch over her", whatever that truly meant.

I hope you liked this snippet and keep a look out for my next posts! 🥰

Please be aware that my art is almost always heavily referenced and I do not do art commissions! Thanks 💕

divider by @saradika

[gastersans]

Hey guys!

I’m sorry I haven’t been around much lately. It’s not fair to people I care very much about to be silent! The long story short is that life hits you very fast and all at once sometimes on many levels, and my unfortunate tendency in hectic mode is to shut out and focus on just getting to the next day. It’s no excuse, of course, but I do hope you understand—and I hope you all are hanging in there as well.

I’m not sure when I can return to writing again, but I hope to. It always seems like I’m waiting to have some time and energy, but I think I’m just going to have to intentionally build a block for the creative things important to me among everything. Even if I’m not publishing anything, I am always thinking about it in one part of my mind. I love those stories, and I’m so glad to share them with you.

Thank you to anyone who was checking in! I love you all always, even if I don’t have the words to reply—and I’m always going to try to better show that.

Tl;dr below the cut: details of life been going on.

:read more:

Thanks for being curious! I’ll try to be as brief as I can, but I have traditionally failed at every attempt at that in these posts. To be honest, the past year or two has been a bit of a blur, so I’ll just talk in generalities rather than a specific timeline.

Everything at work changed at the organizational level. Unfortunately I can’t say much about it—for personal reasons, which I know is odd to say. My work is mixed in with family ties, justices and beliefs I advocate for, etc, so I can’t talk too much about it—but boy is that lasagna layered. That dynamic alone is both a hugely important but often very stressful to navigate in of itself.

Among the organizational change, my position drastically changed—I went from clinician to a manager of the sizeable department I worked for—and then a couple months later inherited a second, nearly double the size department to manage on top of it when my fellow manager left.

Right as my position was changing for the first time, my dad—living states away—got sick with some still undiagnosed illness. Bizarre body movements, signs of a stroke but no evidence found—not Parkinson’s, though the symptoms seem somewhere between it and a slow rolling dementia. If you’d like to read a small loving rant about my dad: My father is the most wonderful, kindest, politest, humblest human who is also a literal unrecognized hero twice over—he dedicated his entire life his two jobs. One was his role as an assistant Harbormaster—not infrequently rescuing people, lost in dark seas in the dead winter nights (among much grimmer tales)—a job which got paid pennies for, with decades-old resources and, if he was lucky, his name might be pages deep in the local paper. The second job was as a teacher in the worst school in the city next door—and he taught the “behavioral needs” kids. He was stabbed multiple times—the final time was in the stomach, shortly after he had come back from his leave after battling prostate cancer. He understood the kids were sick, or needed help. In addition to being a great teacher (I didn’t appreciate it at the time, but my dad often help walk us through homework to ensure we knew it—requested or not), my dad would take his students to different places— the beach for a wildlife lesson, or the local laser tag place just for fun they often couldn’t afford)—on his own dime. He tried to give them an education about the world and life, and not just books they had given up trying to read. Jeeze, sorry, I need to be able to do a cut under this cut. I could go on for days.

After that attack, my dad has had much random issues, landing him in the hospital and my family in crisis mode one time after another. We find (but never confirm) that the neurological attack might be from an infection in his knee—a botched or failing knee replacement (his third—standing on a choppy boat or at a chalkboard all day is murder on your knees). The infection has spread terribly. We nearly lose him. He continues to show cognitive decline. He improves. He gets pneumonia, we nearly lose him again. He comes back to us for a while. A random night a few weeks later, the mesh in his stomach from his prostate cancer a decade ago has failed and is suddenly twisted around his intestine (they guess related to the coughing/pneumonia). We nearly lose him again. He survives. He needs a knee replacement surgery now, but they don’t know if he can handle it or the risk of infection. He survives. Theyve noticed something wrong with his heart. He has heart surgery, survives. Another heart surgery, survives again. All the while continuing to cognitively decline. He’s a brilliant man—it’s heartbreaking to see, but I know he’s still in there all the while.

I know I missed some things above. As all of this is going on, I’m flying back and forth between states, trying to manage two departments that were previously handled by two incredibly competent, incredibly busy people that is now just me. The work is important, there’s pressures of family legacy involved, it’s nonprofit and clinical and complex and often dealing with very serious physical, mental health, ethical or even legal matters.

And, of course, trying to balance the normal things of life—making time for friends and family, trying to maintain (and sustain) my home, dating and now maintaining a beloved partnership… These things are also important. And then my parents were here for just the summer, so I’m trying to spend each moment I can stand to spare with them, in that horrid phase where it’s in your face of how little time may be left. And of course, there are the other things—other loved ones lost, trying to do what you can and pay attention to the important things in the world, trying to enjoy sitting holding my cat’s paw while marathoning YouTube and a phone game after a long day at work.

Again, I hope to be back to things someday. In my free time I write snippets, dream scenarios. I miss the writing—and the people—and it’s hard to find a pinhole to carve out for any time for myself. I’m trying, I’m trying, and I love you all.

Hope to talk more soon.

[adorewo0]

SUMMARY : You are gifted barricade tickets to a Seventeen concert by your best friend. Woozi ends up taking your phone leading you down a slightly hectic and confusing love story with someone you never thought you would meet.

PAIRING : Idol!Woozi x Non-idol!reader

GENRE : Fluff, delulu, idol au/smau(?)

FEATURING : All of Seventeen

WARNINGS : None :)

NOTES : This is my first story, so any feedback on things I need to improve on would be helpful. Also some parts will be set up like a smau. It’s all based on what I’m feeling in the moment/what I think is visually appealing. THIS IS PURE FICTION AND NOT RELATED TO THE IDOLS IRL!

AN : At this point its Follow Tour Woozi cause he been looking too good. But I hope y'all are enjoying this! Originally it was for my bsf which is why its really cliche but I never finished. I'mma try and get chapters out more often so you don't have to wait. If you want to be notified when I update just tell me and I'll tag you!

Thank you<3

Chapter 2

“No cause vocal unit’s performance of Habit ate!” Kya emphasizes, “I swear a few tears dropped.” We are having our little debrief session at the airport waiting to board our plane.

“No cause S.Coups in Fire?” I point out, “That’s what did it for me.” So did S.Coups helping me. I force the thoughts of the many weird interactions from the night before out of my head.

Passengers for Plane ### may start boarding now. Please recall the information…

I tune out the rest of the information from the intercom knowing I don’t need it. Kya and I gather our things and get in line.

We ended up getting separated in the process of her booking our plane tickets, so I had to say a short “Bye” to her on the way to my seat.

When I get to my seat I put my luggage overhead and sat down. I’m sitting next to this dude with relatively long hair and a mask on. From what I can see of him, his face looks promising. I say “Hi” but he ignores me, looks out the window and turns up the music in his headphones. Oh.I decided to not let it bother me and focus on what movie I should watch from the plethora of options I downloaded beforehand.

Another person sits next to me, but I’m glued to my phone so I don’t pay much attention. I hear a deep voice say “Hey” and my head shoots up. I recognize the voice and as I stare at his mask-covered face more, the face matches as well.

“Oh hi! I didn’t expect to see you here.” I say dumbfounded.

“I didn’t expect to see you here either, you live in Atlanta or just visiting?” he asks incredulously.

“Yeah. My friend and I flew up to NY to see you guys since there was no ATL tour date.”

“Thank you! But sorry about that, we decided to do a last minute pop-up at a music festival in ATL a few days ago.” He says with a sorrowful look back.

“No it’s okay! We really enjoyed ourselves and the money was all worth it.” I say warmly.

“Thank you again for enjoying it.” I nod my head and the conversation dies down a little bit, but a few mins later he asks, “Do you wanna come to our sound check before the pop up? You can bring your friend and just hang out with us.”

“For real?” I ask in disbelief.

“Yeah! I thought it would be fun for you plus I think your chill and a couple of the other members think the same as well.” The information he provides me with is kind of surprising, but I go with it.

“Sure then! I’ll bring my friend Kya.”

“Great!” We continue talking on and off, my movie getting ignored for the most part the whole plane ride.

Kya’s POV

I get to my seat after my small wave to y/n. I’m trying to put up my suitcase, but I’m struggling due to my height being on the shorter side. The man who was waiting behind me stops me and takes the suitcase and puts it away. I let out a short sorry feeling self conscious. I sit down in the middle seat and he also puts his bag over my row and comes to sit in the window seat. I push my legs in, out of courtesy, and he slips past me. I distract myself with my phone and later the plane starts to take off.

I decide to fall asleep out of boredom after take off and lean my head back against my seat. I soon doze off but my head moves all the way to the left into an uncomfortable position. I feel someones’ hand grab my head and move it to the right on something hard. I look up and stare at the man from before and he slowly starts to look familiar. Minghao? Nah I’m trippin. I fall back asleep on the man’s shoulder which feels heavenly to use as a pillow.

He wakes me up when the plane has landed and I look up at him confused. I soon realized that my “dream” was not a dream and that was truly Minghao. Wtf… I decide to be chill about it so I don’t expose his identity. I let out a small thank you and move out of my seat to get my things.

Of course I struggle again, so he helps me with my bag and gets his at the same time. Fuck it. I make small talk with him while we're walking out of the plane which turns into a really chill conversation. Laughing with Minghao, we walk into the empty gate where I see y/n standing with 2 men. oh- I walk up to her with a questioning look and she does the same back.

[carbuncle-paws]

Do you have any personal head cannons for Peter?

Sorry it's taken me so long to answer this, things have been a bit hectic irl lately (I'm ok though don't worry!)

Hmm it's a bit difficult to answer, since a lot of stuff has already been specified for him either in canon or by other fans. I have some things that come to mind, but forgive me if anything here is already floating around or isn't that unique:

Here's one you might already be familiar with from the fic. Whenever he plays pokemon he tries to find a snake to name Rattata.

His favorite games are/were ones focused on animals in some way, like creature collectors, animal crossing, spyro, etc. Also puzzle games (I think that one is canon if I remember right?)

He's bad at games that require a lot of patience or trail and error. The fromsoftware ones are a great example.

Growing up he was made to feel ashamed of outwardly showing interest in things (part of why he had an explosive falling out with the goth phase, although he probably would've still grown out of that gradually) it comes from and amplifies his negative-self image. Maybe his therapist made that worse?

He has a lot of interests you'd never know about because of the aforementioned trauma, like you won't see him collecting fan merch even if he really likes something. If he were to get something like that, he'd hide it as if it's taboo. A supportive relationship might help him work through that, idk. The very few interests he outwardly shares are either sanitized/something he thinks is very 'normal,' or things he's too attached with to give up.

Another thing related to the trauma above, he used to really enjoy video games but stopped as he grew older. He still plays the occasional phone game (canon) but justifies it as filling time while waiting.

A lot of the negative opinions he has about other people are projections of his own self-hate. So when he monologues... Well, take this quote from the game: "So many people, crushed by the weight of the world, and now they're just husks. They're dead dreamers in a world of shadows, ghosts unable to see past their little bubble of self indulgence. Pathetic." He is very much talking about how he feels about himself, even if he doesn't consciously realize it. Seriously, check out shadow work if you haven't yet, it's interesting stuff.

Oh, and he's flexible enough to use his own mouth on himself, but he doesn't do it often.

That's all I can think of for now! I might come back and add more, we'll see.

[vrmxlho]

this may be coming a bit suddenly to some of yall but i have been planning to close this account for a while and it will be happening pretty soon (by closing i mean i will be going completely inactive) like ik i was pretty dead these past couple months but it will be offline and ill be moving to another account, still not sure if i wanna publish which account it will be but we’ll see about that

anyway for like the two people who asked yes i will be continuing the smau cuz i already have everything planned i just need to find the time to actually write it up but you will be getting it im so so sorry for the wait :((

also if you have requests you can still send them in here i might have time while finishing everything up, i don’t think i’ll be able to move until the end the year actually cuz im so busy but we shall see, now that im writing this post im just realising how pointless this is cuz ive been away for ages now lol…um

last few things, for people who keep asking yes i am fine nothings happened to me im just so tired and busy that i barely have time to open this app anymore but i will be back promise 🙏🙏 these next few weeks are a bit hectic i have loads of places to be and i only really have a week off before school reopens so please bear with me

to the people who have read this far??? amazing???? i don’t particularly use discord but if you want mine just send me a message, you don’t have to be moots necessarily but like make sure you’ve interacted w me at least once before

ok that’s all for now thanks for everything, love ya ❤️‍🔥

[fightingwithtruelove]

hi suz! gosh, i've gone and done it again, it's been a while since i last messaged i'm sorry! the last week or so has just gone by in a blur.

what have you been up to since i last checked in? are you feeling any better? tell me all the things!

thank you SO MUCH for sharing your linstead fic, i can't wait to read it soon!

honestly dreaming about surprise songs is one of the most fun things about going to the eras tour lol my show isn't until the end of 2024 and i'm ready thinking up surprise songs that i'd want to hear. since she'll be resetting surprise songs and i'm assuming we'll have rep tv by the time your shows are, i am keeping my fingers crossed that she sings a rep track for you! the folklore and evermore sets are probably my favorite during the tour because they're so incredibly stunning, especially visually. the projections during august, the moss piano for champagne problems, the choreo of willow...everything about those sets are perfect and were probably my favorites of the eras tour. the rep set also really goes off so i know you'll have a great time then. the whole concert is amazing! that would be a super cute look for tour, the lover heart around the eye is *chef's kiss*

please let me know if you pick up any of the books i mentioned! i'd love to hear your thoughts! are you reading anything currently?

i'm definitely into the holiday spirit! it's been busy around here lately, but i've been watching 1-2, sometimes 3, christmas movies a night this week which has been really fun. i rewatched scott wolf and kristin chenoweth's hallmark movie the other day and it really is one of my favorites. it always makes me cry! i'll probably watch it again before the end of the year lol

sending love, good vibes and lots of holiday cheer! - secret sleuth 🧡 🔎

Omg don't even worry! I totally get it. I was so insanely busy with work and everything, it's a miracle I even get to open tumblr anymore these days.

What have I been up to? Hm, I'm still coughing really bad like 3 weeks later, so I think I might have possibly had the C-word. Work has also been busy, since I work at a bookstore and holiday season... retail hell and so on. Working at a store doesn't really make me appreciate the holidays any more. People can be so horrible and I've barely been keeping it together.

I'm crossing my fingers for King of my Heart for Vienna concert because the friend that I'm going with (and that got me a ticket as a gift), that's her favorite song, so I really want that. I've given it a lot of thought obviously, but The Lakes would be amazing, since it's one of my faves, but also DBATC because it took me forever to not mess up the lyrics and I would proudly scream it, and I just love it so much. Ahh I am so happy you liked the folklore and evermore sets, that makes me even more excited. In a way, I'm super happy we got the movie, because that means I won't be worried about every detail, and I'll be able to be more present. I'm just so incredibly excited!! 137 DAYS!!!!

Of course I will! I'll try to get some for the holidays, maybe I'll have some time to read then. I need a break for real. So this is gonna sound funny, but there's this YA really old book series called Sadler's Wells/Ballet Slippers. And I kinda wanna do a Nace AU loosely based on the main love story in it, so I'm re-reading that hahaha. Also sometimes it just feels good to read something like that for the nostalgia, you know?

Omg, lucky you! I haven't watched any in the past week. It's been busy, and I'm just tired. I really do like that one so much! I did watch Holidate last week, I really think Emma Roberts should only do rom-coms, she is so good at them!

Tomorrow is the last hectic day at work, so I'll hopefully be a bit less busy from then on and finish setting up my tree (it's been lightless since I got sick, I know, a travesty).

Sending lots of love and christmas magic! ✨🎄☃️

[sol-sunpuff]

Sounds like things have been hectic for you in the past few days. I hope the bug situation has started getting resolved by now.

I also hope you are having fun at your local library! I've been finding myself spending more time at libraries too these days. There's just a nice calm vibe about them.

Also, out of curiosity, who is your favourite Dino Fury character so far?

The situation has actually been improving, yeah! I haven't seen anything, haven't been bitten. I know they can come back and stuff, but the technician is coming back in a couple weeks to essentially deal with anything else that comes up. I also got to see my partner for a few days and that was honestly really refreshing. I got to give them some gifts that I had waiting for them for a bit!

Honestly libraries are so chill! The other day I went there just to draw in peace, and I got a lot done! I ended up doing a sketch concept of a character for a reverse dating sim my friends and I are working on where everybody tries to date the main character. Might post some pics of that later.

If I had to pick a singular favourite character from Dino Fury, probably Solon. She's velociraptor mom and she's so sweet and the suit actor makes her very convincingly reptilian. For favourite ranger, I'd probably say Izzy, she's such a badass but also has a lot of depth. She's not a completely perfect person, but actively tries to make up for her flaws. She exemplifies that being a Power Ranger isn't just a title, but a duty. It's an active choice to be a good person, it's an active choice to be a hero, and even if she stumbles getting there, she does choose it in the end. As a whole though, I don't think any one character carries the show as much as the combination of characters does. The cast has such a great dynamic that I'm honestly in love with, and getting to watch them interact is such a wholesome and fun experience. I think that's what captivates me the most about the show.

Anyways sorry to go off, but thank you for sending me an ask! It was a huge pick-me-up 🧡

[teecupangel]

Author’s note (a bit of a rant because I need to get this off my chest, holy shit, what the fuck):

Sorry, guys. I know I’m late but things have been hectic as hell for the past week. In a nutshell, I got hit by a truck and woke up in some weird place where people keep calling me the chosen one to save the world from this demon king hellbent on taking over the world.

So yeah… I’ve apparently been isekai’ed by the goddamn truck-kun. I think it was shipping rice grains or something which is weird af since it’s not yet harvesting month but that’s beside the point.

Anyway, this cute girl who is apparently the daughter of the king that summoned me became my guide and gave me a tour of the castle and told me everything I need to know about this world (I’m gonna skip all that part because, my god, it sounds like they just copy-pasted the most popular isekai light novels published, I’m soooo embarrassed being the chosen one of this world, ngl, also I still haven't found my OP skill yet unless being able to predict the plot is supposed to be it which, if it is, fuck you isekai gods, give me something else!) and she’s really cute and sweet and I’m thinking “oh, I’m in a harem isekai” and I’m like… totally okay with that but Imma wait for the pink-haired girl and pray to the isekai gods that she’s not a tsundere.

Then I met him.

Holy shit.

Blond hair. Green eyes. Clad in white and with a face that just screamed ‘male love interest’ written all over him.

And he’s the illegitimate son of the king so he has a chip on his shoulder with that prince charming smile and politeness that just screams “SUS! ABSOLUTELY SUS!” no matter how much I look at it.

And I’m like… he’s gonna be my rival, right? Or something?

Then there was a banquet to celebrate my summoning and, for a kingdom that’s supposed to be in hot waters because of a demon army or something, all these rich folks- oh, sorry, these nobles seemed to be doing well and looking fine.

And the dress they gave me? Absolutely gorgeous. I would describe it but you guys know I suck at describing clothes and shit.

You might be thinking, oh shit, oh shit, this is sounding familiar, and you would be right, my dear readers (or whoever else is still reading this rant or summary or whatever this is meant to be called). I have made a mistake…

And that was drilled into my brain when he arrived.

The Arch Duke of the North, known as the Bloodthirsty Monster of the Northern Winter.

Black hair.

Red eyes.

Clad in black and gold…

With a really ornate obviously OP sword on his side.

It is as you and I have feared.

I am not in a harem isekai story.

I am in an isekai story with two male love interest.

Oh god.

They called me the chosen one but I hear the other name for me.

Saintess.

And, of course, the real love interest has to be the dark haired dude, right? This is how these stories go.

And I was right because the night after the party? I got kidnapped.

Yup.

And these masked dudes all want me to awaken this supposed weapon of mass destruction or something and I’m like… yeah, okay, because I was planning on using it to take them down.

This world might have messed up my moral compass or something, who knows.

Anyway, turns out this weapon of mass destruction is my laptop! I don’t know how it got to this world and I don’t know why it has wifi and the battery is the infinity sign right now but I have access to my dropbox and I’m still logged in to my AO3 account so the August Birthday MegaPosting Bash (I still don’t remember what I call it) is STILL ON!

So I hope you enjoy this new chapter and, yes, the next chapter will be up on Aug 28 as I promise. Not even this goddamn war that smells of absolute bullshit will keep me from writing and posting!

Edit: I’ve been getting comments asking if I’m okay and stuff so I’m adding this now. Yes, I’m okay. I was saved by this white-haired mage dude who told me that the power of the saintess inside me is slowly killing me. He probably thinks I’ve, like, reached nirvana or whatever with how I took the news but this world has been very predictable for a while now so I’m sure there’s gonna be some cure or another. Maybe with the main ml which I think is the black-haired arch duke or whatever he was. I’m gonna write it here now: If that duke turns out to be half-demon or the actual demon king, I called it right here!

Edit-edit: Holy shit. Oh my god. Oh dear god. The duke has an Assassin squad who saved me from this pretty weirdass mage and one of them has dark curly hair and gold eyes. Oh no. Oh no, oh no. Fuck. Send help.

Isekai where a fanfic writer is determined to get back to their normal world in time to post their next update on schedule

[adoringhaikyuu]

hello!! i have a bit of a request! could i get oikawa bokuto and kuroo w a s/o who absolutely loves to cook and bake and does so a lot, but always always always shares the food they make? n they kinda slowed down in making food bc ppl arent accepting or wanting the food they make and its making them really down :(

ive been having this issue w my roommates bc i always cook for them w lots of love and they never eat what i make and its,, draining on me,,,,

but yea!! i just want oikawa bokuto n kuroo to make me feel a lil better :( thank u so so so much!!!! i love ur blog n ur writing so much 🖤

THEY AREN'T EATING YOUR FOOD SO YOU STOP COOKING FOR THEM

CHARACTERS: bokuto + kuroo + oikawa + (gn!reader)

WARNINGS: none

NOTES: i hope everything is ok and if not i hope it gets better!! <3 + i tried to make these a little happier ! they all take place over a week + i tried a new format with this we'll see if i stick w it sfkjhg

bokuto:

bokuto honestly didn't not want to eat your food

it's just that he had to go on a new diet for the upcoming season, his trainer and nutritionist told him to try it out to see how it works with him

and the things you cooked and baked were on the no eating list

he just loved when you made food for him, it tasted amazing and he could feel the love you put into it

he was planning on waiting the diet out and stockpiling all the food you made for afterwards as a treat

but he may or may not have failed to tell you that

so when you noticed he wasn't eating the food you left for him when he came home late after practice, you were disheartened and not to be dramatic, but heartbroken as well

deciding not to waste anymore, you simply stopped

turns out, the diet wasn't really working with bokuto, his nutritionist decided it was unecessary since he was getting the same results when he wasn't on it––thanks to his genetics, metabolism and workout routine. if anything he was glad, he was beyond excited to come home and finally eat your cooking again.

he practically ran home with a skip in his step, shouting out cheerfully as soon as he stepped past the front door. "baby i'm home!" he put his things down and took his shoes off, before gliding in front of the fridge to open it. "what's for dinner?––" he trailed off when he noticed there was nothing cooking, maybe you were starting later? he looked through the shelves in the fridge, looking for something to snack on in the mean time and gasped abruptly when he couldn't find the containers of food he'd been saving over the past week.

he closed the doors and frantically looked around the kitchen, opening random cupboards that couldn't possibly keep any refrigerated food fresh.

you walked in to find him searching around like a madman and you paused. "kou? what's wrong?"

he looked up at the sound of your voice and ran over to you, placing his hands on your waist. he kissed your forehead to say hello, despite the pout on his face and the clearly pressing matter on his mind. "hi baby doll. i was looking for all the food that was in the fridge, did you move them?"

you paused, "well i––i threw them out?"

his eyes almost bulged out of his head, "what?! why??"

you were confused by his sudden outburst, it's not like he was eating any of it. "i mean you weren't eating, kou...it's been a week since you've stopped eating my food, i just didn't see the point in keeping it all in there...that's also why i'm not making dinner right now."

he stared at you, shocked and disappointed in himself, he had no idea you were feeling this upset. "oh my god...did i forget to tell you?" your brows furrowed curiously but he simply pulled you into his arms for a tight hug. "i'm so sorry bub––they wanted me to try out this new diet, that's why i wasn't eating! i didn't mean to make you upset! i was even planning on eating all of the dinners i missed afterwards...but the diet wasn't for me so i can go back to eating normally now!"

you pulled back slightly to look at him, not knowing what to say. "oh..."

he gave you a sad smile, "yeah," he brought a hand up to hold your cheek, "you know i love your food––it honestly hurt my heart when they told me i couldn't eat it!"

you cracked a smile and he gave you one right back, "i'm serious!"

you sighed happily, "okay...so i guess i should start making dinner then?––"

he was pulling you over to the fridge before you could finish your sentence, "absolutely! and i'm helping!"

you laughed and started getting the ingredients together, "how about i make your favorite tonight?"

he nodded like a child excited for ice cream and kissed you on the cheek. he wasn't really a chef himself, that's why he left it to you––he didn't want to burn down the kitchen. so he'd mostly be staying by your side, maybe handing you things or mixing things, but you enjoyed his company nonetheless.

you had started seasoning the food when he slid his arms around you from behind, leaning down to rest his head on your shoulder. "hey baby?" you hummed in response and his hold on you tightened a bit. "would you...mind making my favorite dessert tonight too? i've been craving it for a while now..."

you smiled to yourself and nodded, "i'd love to."

he squeezed you and kissed your cheek loudly, "yes! thank you i love you so much!–"

kuroo:

almost every day you sent kuroo off to work with a baked good you made him

he loved them and you loved making them so it was a win-win

you'd put them in a little container with a cute note

and though he knew what to expect each time, they never failed to brighten his day

but earlier this week you stopped by kuroo's office to drop off the treat he'd forgotten to take with him today in his rush out the door

he was in a meeting so his assistant let you into his office

and you felt an ache in your chest when you noticed four of the treats you'd given him this past week all on his desk, unopened

that day, you went back home with all the uneaten sweets and unshed tears aching to fall from your eyes

did he just take them to please you? did he not really want them this whole time? was he just trying to be a good husband?

all these questions flooded your mind, only confusing and hurting you further

but one thing was for certain, you'd stop baking them for him

it didn't make sense for you to if you knew it'd be going to waste

kuroo was beyond done with his day and it wasn't even halfway over. he sighed, loosening his tie as he shut the door to his office, drained from the two hour meeting he'd been in.

thankfully, he had no more meetings today so he could sit and relax while he worked in his office. he sat down at his desk and shut his eyes for a moment, needing to calm down and regenerate himself. he reached over to his left blindly, knowing he'd left the treats you baked him there––things had been getting so hectic lately, he barely had time to eat them, but he was saving them for when he did have the time.

his hand smacked down on the desk three times as he tried to reach for the containers before he finally opened his eyes. his brows furrowed slightly, "what the..." he looked around the desk, opening the drawers and everything before giving up and calling his assistant in.

she knocked on the door and he signaled for her to come in.

"yes sir?"

"hi, do you know where the sweets i had on my desk are? i thought i left them here."

his assistant thought for a moment before perking up, "oh i believe your partner came and collected them while you were in your meeting, sir."

he frowned, "y/n was here? why didn't you tell me?"

"they asked me not to disturb you."

kuroo nodded, "oh alright...well, thank you, that'll be all."

he immediately pulled his personal phone out and called your number, you must have been back home by now.

you saw his name pop up on your screen as you were about to throw out the baked goods and hesitated for a good while before sighing and picking up. "yes?"

you could practically hear the smirk on his face as he spoke through the phone.

kuroo leaned back in his chair, looking up at the ceiling as he spoke. "you stole my sweets from me? where'd you hide them? or did you eat them?"

he didn't even feel bad that he'd just left them there?––"well you clearly weren't eating them kuroo," the smirk dropped from his face and he sat up, alert. woah––kuroo? why did you sound upset? "they were just sitting on your desk––anyway, i was about to throw them out."

"woah, what?? why would you do that?!"

he was speaking to you but you honestly weren't listening, too annoyed and too hurt to pay attention. "look if you didn't like them, you could have just told me so i wouldn't have to waste hours every day busting my ass to make them for you––were you just throwing them out this whole time, is that it?––"

he shook his head with each word you uttered before realizing you couldn't see him, he was just in complete shock. "what? no no, kitten listen to me, hey listen, okay?" you paused, mostly to catch your breath, but he took that opportunity to speak up. "i love when you bake for me, everything you make tastes amazing. i love eating the sweets you make when i'm at work because they remind me of you and of how much you love me––this week's just been a complete pain in my ass and i haven't had the time to sit down, eat and enjoy your treats, i love them and you too much to just scarf them down in a minute. i need to savor them, you know?" despite the adrenaline running in your body, you cracked a smile. "i finally had some time to myself and i was gonna eat them just now when i realized they were missing so i called you..."

he trailed off and you took that as your cue to speak up. "oh..."

you could hear his smirk again, "yeah, oh."

"so i...maybe...overreacted a bit."

he chuckled, the sound warm even through the phone. "no kitten you didn't, i get why you were upset––but, you should have asked me about it first."

you sighed, "yeah, yeah..." you looked at the open containers in front of you, only now noticing the notes you put in them were gone––he must have taken them out to read them even though he didn't have time to eat––"wait a minute, if you haven't had time to eat..." you could hear him clear his throat awkwardly, "kuroo you haven't been eating lunch?!"

he laughed awkwardly, "um, i mean, i eat after work––"

"that's not the same!" you rolled your eyes, "i'm coming back over there and i'm bringing you lunch and you're going to eat it, understand?"

he poked his tongue to the side of his cheek. "okay, kitten."

you sighed, "you're lucky i love you."

he leaned back in his chair again, "oh could you bring one of the––"

you cut him off, putting one of the already closed containers back in your bag. "already on it."

he grinned, "god, i love you."

oikawa:

oikawa loves your cooking

and normally he scrambles home after practice to eat it

but this past week training was grueling and tiring, so by the time he came out every day, he was drained mentally and physically

and he was starving

he couldn't wait any longer as soon as he stepped foot out of the gym

so he went to the nearest takeout place, bodega, whatever to get something to eat quickly,, for the whole week

he thought nothing of it

but when he came home every night for a week straight saying he'd already eaten when you tried to offer him the food you spent hours making?

it hurt, a lot

so you decided you'd stop cooking

oikawa was aching to go home––he was exhausted and all he thought about to get him through the day was you, your cooking and your cuddles. he needed all three immediately. when his coach said they were all free to go home, he could almost feel a weight lifting off his shoulders.

he sighed loudly as he stepped into your home, peeling his sneakers off and setting his things aside. he padded into the house, going straight to the kitchen and frowned when you were nowhere in sight. he'd come home a bit early today, around the time you were usually making dinner.

he looked around and walked to the living room, smiling to himself when he found you sitting on the couch, looking for something to watch on tv.

you smiled up at him and greeted him, the sound of your voice making him feel warm inside. "hi baby, how was your day?"

he huffed and slid onto the couch, lying down so his head was in your lap. "don't even talk to me about the day i've had––i was thinking about you the whole time." he took your hand in his and brought it up to his lips to give it a soft kiss. "you got me through it."

he placed one of your hands on his cheek and the other in his hair, mumbling a thank you when you started playing with the slightly damp mess on his head. "mm that feels good baby." he closed his eyes and sighed contently, settling in comfortably to your touch.

after a few moments, he spoke up softly, trying his best not to fall asleep. "what's for dinner?"

"um i'm not sure," your eyes were focused back on the tv as you thought for a moment. "what do you wanna order?"

he paused and cracked one eye open, opening the other when he realized you weren't joking. "wha––order?"

you looked down at him and nodded hesitantly, "yeah? like takeout?"

he sat up abruptly and turned to face you, "what? why?"

you paused this time, unsure of how to respond. "well...every night for the past week you haven't been eating my food. i think it's fair for me to assume you don't want my food anymore."

he felt a piece of himself break on the inside, "oh angel..." he grabbed your hands, "no no––i love your food, you know that––i've just been so tired this week, i couldn't even wait to get home to eat, so i stopped by the nearest places with the boys." he scooted closer to you. "i'm so sorry i made you feel like i didn't appreciate what you do for me––i promise from now on i'll drag myself on my hands and knees if i have to to come home to you and eat––"

you laughed and shook your head, "tooru there's no need for that––"

he cut you off, almost offended. "of course there is! i hurt your feelings baby, i never want to do that again!"

you smiled and pulled him in for a sweet kiss that he quickly melted into. you pulled away to look at him earnestly. "it's okay babe. just...maybe tell me next time? i was just worried you were tired of my food, that's all."

he pulled you into his lap and held you tight. "i could never and will never be tired of anything you do for me, i promise." he kissed your cheek. "though it is my fault, i did miss your cooking this week––but if you're not in the mood to make anything i understand and we can still order––"

you shook your head, "i'll make your favorite, okay?"

he pulled you in for another kiss, "i really don't deserve you."

[creamiecoups]

anon : impatient mingyu smut!! a bit rough but the after care is the best!!

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↠  summary :  all you wanted to do was finish your assignment as the due date was fast approaching, but with someone as annoying and persistent as your boyfriend, it’s going to take all your strength and self control to resist giving into him.

↠  pairing : mingyu x reader

↠ warnings :  smut, swearing, dirty talk, slightly rough sex, fingering, unprotected sex, creampie, alot of fluff, and mingyu’s a bit cocky in this one ;-)

↠ word count : 3.6K words

↠ author’s note : anddd im officially back !!! yeah eheh...i know many of you probably hate me and im so so sorry i took so long :(( life’s been getting pretty hectic lately but do not think i wasn’t writing this entire time !! i do have a few unfinished requests that im still in the process of writing that i will start posting very soon....but for now, enjoy this one :-) 

(and please forgive me if there’s spelling mistakes its 2am i should sleep omfg but i will edit it properly in the morning)

"Baby, are you done yet?"

Your annoying boyfriend asked for the 7th time in the span of 10 minutes.

"I told you before, just let me study peacefully for at least an hour and a half....or just wait until I finish this god damn essay!" You huffed, attempting to blow the strands of hair covering your face.

He whined, grabbing onto your arm as you kept your focus on the bright screen of your laptop on your lap.

"Mingyu...you said you'd leave me alone until I finished this...I've written like one word in the past few minutes because you keep nagging me!"

"I'm not nagging you, I'm just trying to get your attention! We finally have a friday night to ourselves and your studying!?"

"Well I want to get this done, it's constantly worrying me and if I just finish this tonight I won't have any more worries," you said, sighing loudly as you turned to look at him.

"Then let me ease you up....don't worry, I'll have you thinking about other things if you let me...and this stupid assignment will be long forgotten," he whispered, before pecking your cheek.

"No thanks, I'd rather finish this first," you said as you pushed him away coldly.

"Oh come on!"

You closed your laptop a little too loudly, causing Mingyu to jump a little in shock.

"What are you doing?" He asked as he watched you place your laptop on the bedside table before getting off the bed.

"I'm finding something to entertain you so you'll leave me alone," you grumbled, grabbing the tv remote before turning it on.

"I don't wanna watch tv though...I wanna play with you," he chuckled, winking your way as you instantly rolled your eyes.

"Sex....really is the only thing on your mind huh?" You asked, mostly in bewilderment.

"Hmm....not really...there are also, a few other things," he pretended to think, as you shook your head.

"Well here's the remote...I really don't care what you do just don't make a sound and stop bothering me," you warned, giving him a glare before grabbing the laptop and walking towards the bedroom door.

"Wait where are you going?"

"I'm going to study out in the living room, your annoying me," I huffed, turning to look at him.

"No no, baby don't leave me here...I promise I won't bother you just come back," he sulked giving me a pout.

A long sigh left your lips. "Fine...but the minute you try anything, I'm leaving...okay?"

He nodded his head, giving you a cheeky smile as he pat the space beside him on the bed.

You hesitantly went back to sit down next to him, adjusting the pillow behind you before pulling the blanket up to your stomach and opening up your laptop again to hopefully finish this essay once and for all.

A few minutes passed and you were glad Mingyu had finally decided to leave you alone, as his eyes were glued to some variety show playing on the tv. His hands were on you though, his right arm wrapped around your waist while the other played with the drawstrings of your pyjama shorts.

But the happiness only lasted a while before you felt Mingyu's fingers start to play with the waistband of your shorts under the blanket.

At first you didn't pay much mind to it, being too invested in what you were doing, but then he grew bolder. His fingers slipped in and out through the gap seperating your silk shorts and your skin.

"Mingyu," You warned, as you typed away on your laptop, determined to finish this without him distracting you.

He didn't respond, and nor did his fingers stop.

"Gyu.....baby, I really need to finish this, please," you sighed fustratedly, grabbing his hand and pushing it away from you.

"I'm not talking though...I'm just touching you."

"Well your distracting me."

"So it worked," he mumbled before chuckling, making you roll your eyes.

"Just shut up."

"Personally I don't think you would be getting distracted that easily if you really were concentrating in the first place," he said, making you sigh.

"I am concentrating...it's just your doing things that would distract--"

"Just hurry up and finish what your doing, the more we talk the longer you'll take," he said, cutting you off as his hand found its way back under the blanket.

It was silent for a while, just the quiet sound of people laughing from the tv playing.

Suddenly you felt him pull your shirt up a little, before his warm hand made contact to your bare stomach.

"Yah Kim Mingyu!" you burst, turning to glare at him as his eyes were on the tv screen, ignoring your sudden outburst.

He turned around slowly, looking at you dumbfoundly.

"What?"

"Seriously...what are you trying to do?" You asked, as he creased his eyebrows.

"What did I do wrong?" he asked, blinking a few times with his big puppy eyes staring right at you.

please...someone give him an award.

"Just stop touching me will you? I don't get why your so needy today," you huffed, turning back to look at your computer screen.

"Well you haven't been giving me any sort of attention for the entire week because of your stupid assignments, and now it's a Friday and I can't take this is anymore!"

"Shhh I've heard enough, I need to concentrate," you sighed, deciding to just ignore his hand on your stomach for the time being.

You saw him smile as his eyes were back on the tv, his fingers now drawing circles and whatnot into your skin.

At first you didn't mind it, but after a while his fingers went lower and lower, until it started feeling tingly.

His fingers once again attempted to slip under your shorts, as this time you found yourself letting him do what he wanted, as long as he wouldn't talk and let you finish this.

You felt him cup your heat, making you bite your lip as your toes curled.

"Mingyu...not now."

"Concentrate on what your doing, I'm just playing a little, I won't disturb you," he shot, throwing you off guard.

But you decided to comply, being tired of fighting with him anyways since you knew it wouldn't get you anywhere.

His fingers ever so slowly rubbed you through your panties, making you bite your lip as you straightened your back.

Clearing your throat you decided to ignore it as much as you could, knowing he was doing it purposely.

His hand around your waist pressed small circles into your skin while his fingers pushed your panties to the side, making you stifle a moan.

You were suddenly aware of his every touch, knowing exactly what he was doing. He knew you all too well to know this was affecting you.

The smirk on his lips also showed that.

"Gyu," you whined, squeezing your thighs together tightly, stopping his hand from being able to do anything.

"Baby, relax, I just wanna touch you for the time being, until your done," he whispered seductively near your ear, causing butterflies to fill your stomach.

You relaxed your thighs as he took the chance to push his fingers directly to your clit.

You bit back a moan, your hands starting to shake against the keys on your laptop as he slowly started to rub circles into you.

"Can you....even remember the last time I fucked you?" He whispered near your ear, as you stayed quiet, hating how much his touch was affecting you.

"It was last Sunday, baby.....that's how long it's been....I had you on top of the counter in the kitchen, as I fucked into you and you told me how good I made you feel...you remember that? Hm?" He taunted, his fingers getting faster as you nodded your head.

"And then you gave me the best fucking blowjob ever...your pretty eyes looking up at me with your mouth full of my cock," he whispered, as you felt him prod his middle finger at your already wet entrance.

He groaned loudly, lips coming up to kiss the shell of your ear.

"Your acting like you don't want it, but your so fucking wet," he whispered seductively, as you let out a small whine by accident.

Mingyu chuckled as you bit your lip, cursing yourself mentally for making a sound.

"Give in princess...we both know you missed this just as much as I do...let me make you feel good."

You shifted uncomfortably, gripping onto the laptop tightly as he felt him slowly ease his finger into you.

You let the sigh fall from your lips as you heard him moan, loving the way your walls sucked in his finger slowly.

"Fuck...your so wet," he growled, as his finger in you stilled.

"W-Wait....why aren't you...m-moving," you asked almost desperately.

He looked towards you, a lazy smirk on his face.

"Well I don't want to bother you...so until your done I'll just keep you warm," he winked, making your blood boil.

You hated that he was doing this, especially when you had made it clear that you had to finish this today, but now you were craving for more. He knew you wouldn't last with his finger snug in your already aching pussy.

and quite frankly, you knew you couldn't either.

Trying to fight the urge to buck your hips, your eyes flew down to the screen in front of you, your unfinished essay looking back at you as you huffed in annoyance.

He shifted around, his finger moving in you making you clench around him.

"Put it away baby....you know you want me, I can feel you clenching," he whispered, placing kisses down your neck.

You shuddered at the contact of his warm plush lips against your neck, his finger in you moving everytime he moved even the slightest.

"Mingyu," your breathed out, unconsciously spreading your legs a little.

He chuckled darkly near your ear, "What's wrong babygirl....one finger not enough for you anymore?"

You nodded your head feverishly, making him smile devilishly as he added two more fingers. You sighed in content, moaning softly as he started to move his fingers.

"Of course it isn't.....you always need more, don't you? Need to feel full hm?....Well I think I can help with that....if you'll let me, of course."

"B-But...I-I need t-to...f-finish this," You stuttered out, biting your lip as you felt yourself getting wetter by the second.

"Mmmh...I know...but you can't fight this any longer doll...let's have some fun hm?" he whispered, his tongue darting out as he licked up your collarbone.

"Shit," you mumbled, as your finger ghosted over the power off button of your laptop as you debated on whether or not you should give in to him.

you needed to finish this, or you'd get your ass beaten by your professor come Monday morning.

"Put your laptop away princess," he heard Mingyu whisper, as his fingers went a little slower, making you bite your inner cheek in annoyance.

"F-Fine....j-just wait a while....l-let me finish this last p-para....p-paragraph," you stuttered out, making his fingers come to a halt.

"I said...put your laptop away," he said more sternly, voice full of authority.

His voice sent shivers down your spine, as you nodded you head hesitantly, before closing the laptop and placing it back on the bedside table as he pulled his fingers out of you.

"Lay down," he muttered, before he was pulling his shirt over his head.

In seconds he was on top off you, his lips crashing against yours hastily.

You finally gave in, kissing him back with just as much passion, as his hands roamed around your body, craving for more. You placed your hand on his chest, before your fingers trailed down to his abs, feeling every ripple under your touch.

It was true, you missed this, just spending time with him and so intimately, since all that's been clouding your head the past few days were piling assignments.

And now with him kissing, touching, and holding you so closely, you felt everything blur as the only thing you could focus on was him.

"Look at you being needy," he mumbled in between the kiss, making you smile.

"Shut up and kiss me," you whispered, before crashing your lips together with his.

You made out for a while, before he was pulling away to grab the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head with ease.

His lips attached onto your neck, as his hand snaked behind you to unclasp your bra.

"God I've been craving this all fucking week," he growled, throwing your bra to the side before his lips latched onto one of your perking nipples.

A soft moan left your lips, as your fingers thread through his hair, tugging slightly everytime his teeth grazed the sensitive nub.

"Shit, Mingyu," you whimpered, as his mouth trailed down your body, kissing your skin everywhere before he was coming back up to peck your lips.

"As much as I love taking my time with you...right now, I just wanna fuck you," he whispered near your ear, before he was pulling his shorts down along with his underwear.

"Not shocked, you've been acting so impatient all day," you chuckled, as he licked his lips.

"All that torture you put me through by making me wait.....I'll show you just how worked up you've had me."

You helped him pull your shorts off your feet before he was grabbing at your underwear. He ripped it into two, making you gasp.

"What the hell Mingyu! You could've taken it off like a normal person!"

"Like you said, I'm impatient today," he grunted, before he grabbed your wrists and placed them over your head.

His lips were back on your neck, one of his big hands holding your wrists while the other dipped into your aching folds.

"Fuck," he muttered, as he bought his wet fingers up to his lips, tasting you.

You bit your lip, feeling even more turned on by just watching him lick up his finger.

"Always tastes so sweet," he groaned, his fingers going down your body before they were playing with your folds.

"Fuck I really just wanna eat you out right now....but my urge to fuck you stupid is much more stronger," he whispered near your ear, his words shooting straight down to your throbbing pussy, making you moan softly.

You felt his tip tease your entrance, making you suck in a deep breath.

"Gonna fuck you so good," he mumbled, before he was grabbing at your thigh, spreading it further apart.

He slowly eased into you, both of you instantly moaning at the contact. He felt so hard and full in you that it had your body tingling and walls clenching down on him, making him grunt.

"Relax baby," he whispered near your ear before kissing your cheek lovingly.

You nodded your head, breathing in and out softly as Mingyu continued to kiss all over your face and neck, trying to ease your tensed muscles.

Once he was sure you were okay, he slowly started to move, making you bite your lip to surpess a moan.

"Ah, ah....what do you think your doing? You know I love hearing you," he mumbled, making you nod your head slowly.

You moaned softly, your entire body feeling like it was on fire at the pace Mingyu was going, making you struggle in his tight grasp.

"Baby...I wanna touch you," you whined, trying to free yourself out of his grasp.

He let go off your wrists, his lips attaching onto your neck as you sighed in content.

Your fingers ran through his soft brown hair, tugging slightly when you felt him hit the right spot in you.

"R-Right....there," You whined out, making him nod into your skin.

"I know baby," he whispered, grabbing your thigh before pulling it over his shoulder.

Your eyes rolled back at the new angle, as moans spilled out of your mouth, his speed increasing as he slammed into you over and over again.

"You really....w-wanted to sit and finish that stupid assignment over this?" he muttered, scoffing as he watched your mouth fall open, as you could only moan in response.

"Sh-Shit Mingyu....slow d-down," you stuttered out, knowing your climax wasn't far with the rate he was going.

He didn't respond as he kissed your knee instead, before his thrusts started getting faster and harder, making your widen your eyes.

"M-M.."

You couldn't even speak, as only moans seemed to pass your parted lips when he leaned down to leave open mouthed kisses all over your jaw and neck.

He put your thigh back down onto the matress before spreading your legs wider, as you felt your release quickly approaching.

"You gonna cum for me now? Milk all around my cock like a good girl?" Mingyu whispered into you ear, as he felt your walls cleanching down on his length in a vice-like grip.

You nodded your head furiously, your grip on his hair tightening when he bought his hand in between your hot and glistening bodies, before his fingers circled around your clit.

Your mouth hung open as you came around him without warning, your body starting to shake profusely as the pleasure took over your senses.

"Good girl," you heard Mingyu praise you, kissing your cheek lovingly as you gripped onto his shoulders tightly as he fucked you through your orgasm.

Soon after his thrusts started getting more sloppier, signalling you that he was close. Your lips ghosted ofer his ear, as you let your hands travel down his body, tracing and grazing every ripple on his clammy body to somehow help him get closer to the edge.

And it was when you pressed your lips to his neck, he groaned into your ear as you felt ropes of his cum fill you up, one, twice- thrice.

You moaned softly, eyes rolling back at the sensation as his pace slowed down, before coming to a halt before he was buring his face into your neck.

It was quiet for a moment, as both of your heavy breaths filled your shared room, befoe Mingyu pulled away to push away a few of your stray hairs that was sticking to your forehead.

"I love you...you know that right?" he asked, giving you a small smile.

"Why's the sudden softeness? Like you were totally not rearranging my organs like a freaking beast a few minutes ago," you couldn't help the words fall out of my mouth, as I chuckled.

"But I love you more, gyu."

Mingyu smiled widely, before he laughed, his voice ringing in your ear and sending butterflies flying in your stomach.

he really was, beautiful.

"Stay here, okay? Just give me a second," Mingyu said, making you crease your eyebrows as you watched him stand up.

"Wait where are you going?" I asked, watching as he almost ran into the bathroom.

"Just wait!" He shouted back, making you sigh as you turned to look at the digital alarm clock on your bedside table.

it was already late...and you knew you couldn't go and finish that assignment now, as all you could think about now was sleep.

damn it, kim mingyu.

"Okay I'm back!" Your boyfriend announced, coming over to you with a big smile plastered across his face.

"I have a nice warm bath waiting for us!"

"Noo....I wanna sleep," you whined, burying your head into the pillow as he placed his arm under your knees.

"Come on it'll be nice, it'll help with the ache...and plus I gotta clean you up," he mumbled, carrying you up bridal style.

You buried your head into his warn chest, sighing happily as he heard him chuckle.

"You're such a baby."

Since you were too tired to fight, you let him go on that remark as he carried you into the bathroom.

He slowly put you down into the bathtub, the warm water and calming lavendar fragrance instantly relaxing your muscles, as a sigh left your lips.

"Is it warm enough?" He asked, running his fingers thorugh the water as I nodded my head.

"Mhm, it's perfect," You mumbled, as he joined you in the bathtub.

He sat behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist as he bought you closer into his chest.

You sighed in content when he started to place soft kisses onto your neck, his warm plush lips sending a shiver down your spine.

"Gyu?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry if I really hurt you...about, you know...not spending time with you the past few days...it's just, you know me, when I really need to get something done, I tend to forget--"

"Shh, that's enough talking," he mumbled, cutting you off before you went on with your apology.

"I know baby, you don't need to explain, and why are you saying sorry? It's okay....I know you can get pretty stubborn sometimes."

You rolled your eyes playfully, as you felt Mingyu rub your back gently with a bath sponge.

"And plus...I'll always be here to make sure you have a break," he whispered into your skin, making you chuckle.

"Well now because of you....I need to wake up early tomorrow and finish it," you sighed, closing your eyes for a second to just relax under his touch.

"Hmm...so I have to find another distraction for tomorrow?" Mingyu asked in disbelief, making you shake your head.

"What about...you leave me alone tomorrow morning just until I finish my assignment...and as soon as I'm done...we can do whatever you want, I promise."

"Pinky promise?" he asked, turning you around so you could see his pouty face, before he stuck out his pinky in front of you.

You smiled wholeheartedly, nodding your head before linking your pinky with his.

"I promise, my big baby."

[ktrivia]

A Sniper's Competition (Crosshair x Reader)

Summary:

The Republic had many humanized weapons in this war but all of them were well known by the Separatist forces. All of them but me, that is. The Republic brought me in at the beginning of this war to be one of their secret weapons. A sniper who could go undercover and stay unknown to the enemy. As the war grows closer to a close, the Republic is sending me on a new mission, one that includes four experimental clones. Which another sniper, who was known for his disdain for others, already in the squad, things were sure to get interesting.

Author’s note:

Sorry for the long wait everyone! Life has been very hectic (major exams and catching Covid for the first time). This story is back and shit is going down! I'm excited for the plot to really begin now and the twists and turns to start. Please let me know what you think because your comments and reblogs are truly what keep me motivated to keep going with this story!

P.S. Let me know if you catch an Easter egg of a well-loved Bad Batch character

Also I am officially writing Fives x Reader oneshots and drabbles as a prequel to this series! There is now a section on my master list for and I would love to write more for one of our favorite ARC Troopers so please PLEASE send in some requests! Sometimes we all just need a little Fives goodness in our lives.

Enjoy the chapter!

Mando'an translations:

Vod: Brother

Gar kebbur gar jatne: You tried your best (just like I'm trying to string together sentences in Mando'a)

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CHAPTER 13

The only men sitting past the door were Rex, Echo and Anakin which meant the rest of the Batch was in the cockpit. The four of us looked at each other, no one sure of what to say first. The events of the day had taken a toll on everyone it seemed. 

“How much longer are we in hyperspace?” I questioned as I moved to sit next to Anakin who sat across from two of the only remaining men from the original 501st. 

“A couple hours,” Rex answered, checking me over once again for injuries. “How are you feeling?”

“A lot better, Rexxie,” I assured before turning to Anakin. “But I need your help.” 

Before I could continue on, he spoke. 

“You can’t feel the force can you?” 

“Not at all,” I confirmed. “And it honestly feels like I’m missing a limb.”

“It happens,” Anakin began, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “You basically fried the receptors in your body that let you feel the force because you used so much of it at one time. That part of you needs to heal. You were never trained to recognize the warning signs of wearing yourself out like that.”

“How long will it be like this?” I asked, trying to keep myself from reaching out to the emotions of the men around me. 

“Give it a couple days and it should start to come back. If it doesn’t then come by my quarters and we’ll contact the temple for suggestions.” 

I reached up to my shoulder and gripped his hand in thanks before turning to Echo who now wore someone’s spare set of blacks. Because of his emaciated state, they hung loosely on his thin frame.

“What about you, Echo? How are you feeling?”

He gave me a small smile and explained that Tech had performed another health assessment on him and done what he could to make him more comfortable until we got back to base to a proper medic. They had given him a bit of food and water, but he had a hard time keeping it down so they had held off after that. The room went quiet, the four of us still taking in the reunion that had occurred hours ago. 

“I’ve uh, been meaning to ask,” Echo prompted hesitantly, sorrow in his eyes. “What happened to Fives?”

My heart stopped as I met Rex’s panicked expression. How did we tell Echo that his twin had died? How did we even begin to broach what had happened?

“I assume he’s gone,” Echo said, his voice cracking as he did. “Otherwise, I’m sure he would have been here for this.” 

Tears sprung to my eyes at the thought. There’s no way in hell that Fives would have missed this. He would have fought anyone and everyone to be on this mission to rescue his brother. 

“Yeah, Echo.” I confirmed. “He’s gone.”

My voice broke and I couldn’t help the tears that streamed down my cheeks. Across from me, I could see Rex’s eyes glistening as he tried to keep it together. 

I barely noticed the door to the bunk area whooshing open as Crosshair emerged. He quickly took in everyone’s expression but those observant eyes landed on me and widened. 

I thought he was about to get jealous of either Anakin’s hand that still rested on my shoulder or the mention of Fives, but he surprised us all by quickly claiming the seat next to mine and grabbing hold of my hand. He gently caressed it in soothing motions, but didn’t say a word. He sat there as a reassuring presence. Maybe he was ready to make the effort for there to be a relationship between us.

“Can I ask what happened?” Echo asked timidly. 

“Of course you can, Echo,” I confirmed, willing strength into my voice. 

“He was your brother. You have every right to ask that,” Rex added, ferocity clear on his face. There were many cases where the clones wouldn’t know what happened to a lost brother and when they would try to ask, their requests would be denied. The administration didn’t bother to keep track of which clones were lost, only that their numbers had been depleted in general. 

I wasn’t sure where to begin the story, but thankfully Anakin spoke up. 

“It started with Tup,” he began, voice going quiet like what he said was a secret. To be fair, it was a secret to most. 

“He killed Master Tiplar,” Anakin continued solemnly. Echo’s face somehow paled more than it already was. 

“He killed a Jedi?” He asked disbelievingly in a whisper. His gaze went foggy, and Rex put his hand on Echo’s shoulder in comfort. It dawned on me that Echo had also just discovered Tup’s passing as well. Crosshair’s hand now clenched mine tightly. Glancing over, I could see confusion and discomfort apparent on his face. Echo wasn’t going to be the only person hearing this story for the first time. 

“He did,” Anakin confirmed with a sorrowful nod. “It was clear that something was wrong. We thought it was some kind of virus or biological agent so we sent him back to Kamino with Fives in charge of him. Even when Tup left he wasn’t mentally sound. He couldn’t focus and just kept repeating himself.”

Anakin’s head bowed and I gently grasped his hand, offering him comfort. Anakin bonded with his soldiers, clones or not, and I remembered how hard this whole situation had hit him when it happened. 

“Then what?” Echo asked quietly. Anakin turned to me. 

“You’re probably the best person to tell him the next part,” He offered, Echo’s face contorted into a look of confusion.

“Why?” He asked.

“Because I was on Kamino when they got there,” I explained, voice growing thick as the memories flooded me. Crosshair tensed next to me.

“You were there?” He murmured, eyes shockingly full of concern. I nodded my confirmation and squeezed his hand before turning back to Echo.

“I hadn’t seen Fives since we had broken up,” I started. “We were together for about a year, and I hadn’t seen him for a few months. The second he saw me he tried to tell me what had happened with Tup, but I was about to leave on an assignment. I just-,”

My words choked off and it felt like the air around me grew physically heavy. My eyes widened in panic as I tried to pull in air, but even that felt like I was inhaling lead. Crosshair’s hand pulled from mine and wrapped around my shoulders pulling me against his chest. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to focus on breathing. When I re-opened them, Anakin was crouched in front of me. 

“Hey,” he said quietly, placing his hand on my knee. “You’re ok. It's just the force. It can be a little overwhelming at first when it comes back on line, but it’ll ease. There are a lot of heavy emotions in here right now and that can be hard to feel.” 

At the mention of the force, I could feel Crosshair almost retract his hold on me, but instead he squeezed tighter, hands roaming over my shoulder and arm. I worked to pace my breaths in time with Crosshair’s rising chest, and while they were still weighted, it was slowly getting easier to breathe again. When I could finally speak without gasping for air, I looked back to Echo. 

“I’m so sorry. This is your story and time and I just interrupted it.”

He shakily rose to his feet and stumbled over to me. His flesh hand reached out and grasped mine, squeezing as hard as he could. 

“It’s our story, Vod. You take your time,” he reassured. The three of them grounded me until I was ready to continue the story. 

“Fives tried to tell me something was wrong,” I began again. “He tried to tell me something had happened to Tup, but I had to leave. He never knew, but I stopped in the med bay to check on them, but they told me Tup would be fine and Fives was healthy. The Kaminoans don’t usually lie to me. I could feel they were lying, but I thought it was because they didn’t know what was wrong with Tup yet. But I had to go, so I left. I have a little friend who works in the med center that kept me updated as much as she could, but her droid could only find out so much information once the Chancellor got involved.”

“The Chancellor?” Echo questioned, sunken eyes widening. I hummed in agreement. 

“Fives said he had discovered something and the Chancellor needed to hear it. But they say that once he got to Coruscant, he tried to murder the Chancellor in his office. Then he got a hold of Rex and Anakin.” 

I trailed off and looked to them to continue the story. Rex spoke this time.

“He found Kix at 79s and had him contact me and the General. We went to meet with Fives and he trapped us in a ray shield. He tried explaining himself but the Coruscant Guard… they shot him. We tried- we really tried to help him but he was too far gone. All he said was the nightmare was over.”

Rex’s hand clasped together as his shoulders hunched over and his breathing shortened. With effort, I extricated myself from the men around me and made the short crossing to the Captain. Standing in front of him, I pulled his forehead to my chest and stroked gently over his cropped hair. Strong arms pulled me as close as possible as his breaths turned ragged. 

“You did what you could, vod,” I reassured. “We all did. Gar kebbur gar jatne.” 

I held him there for a while as the silence of the room settled. Resurfaced memories had reopened old wounds and everyone was trying to grapple with it in their own ways. Clanking footsteps came closer and I glanced over to see Echo standing there. He sat down next to Rex and put his arm over his shoulders, pulling him away from my hold. Tears almost left me again at the sight of Echo comforting his brother. Even after all this time and the torture he undoubtably endured, he remembered the little things that helped Rex while he was mourning. 

The exhaustion hit me suddenly from the conversation and events of the mission so I went back over to where Crosshair was still seated. I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed in content when his arm circled my shoulders, a warm and reassuring weight. My eyes drifted shut as I listened to the lingering conversation. I was almost asleep, Crosshair's light rubbing on my shoulder lulling me, when I heard Echo ask a question that made me perk up. 

“Before Fives was sh-shot,” he began to Rex, “what was he trying to warn you about?” 

My eyes remained closed but I was alert and listening. 

“He said there was a plot against the Jedi,” Rex said softly. Crosshairs ministrations froze at the mention of the Jedi and I grumbled at him, displeased with the lack of the soothing motion. He huffed a small laugh before resuming again. I felt the tension leaving my body as his hand worked its way up towards my neck, rubbing the tight muscles there. I groaned quietly at the sensation. 

“Get a room,” Anakin muttered under his breath. 

“You’d hear me either way, Skywalker,” I grumbled back. Crosshair choked on his breath and I could only laugh. Anakin said something else but I didn’t hear it as part of Rex’s comment caught my attention. 

“-he said something about a chip controlling us. That we were programmed.”

My eyes shot open and I bolted upright. Connections were rapidly forming in my mind. I could hear the four of them questioning me as I ran to the cockpit of the ship. The door slid open and my eyes landed on Tech in the pilot’s chair as he typed on a datapad. In the periphery, my mind took note that Hunter and Wrecker were also there, the larger of the two sound asleep. 

“Tech, where are the scans of Echo’s brain?” I asked frantically. Hunter stiffened at the tone of my voice. 

“They are on my data pad,” Tech replied simply, not looking up from what he was doing. 

“I need it. Now,” I demanded. Tech glanced up, confusion clear. 

“Why do you need it?” 

“Give me the datapad, Tech. I need to check something and time may be of the essence.”

I stormed towards him, ready to take the datapad from him whether he wanted me to or not, but Hunter blocked my path. 

“You need to calm down,” he instructed, arms crossed in front of his chest. 

“It is ok, Hunter. She can have it,” Tech said calmly. Hunter glanced back at him, not convinced I wouldn’t do something to Tech, and stepped just far enough out of the way for Tech to hand me the datapad. 

“I pulled up his scans for you,” Tech stated as I wrenched it from his hand. 

I scrolled through the slices of the scan as quickly as I could, looking for what I had seen earlier on Skako Minor. I made a sound of success when I found the right slice. I turned it back to Tech and pointed at it.

“What the hell is this and why did you tell me to ignore it?” I questioned. His eyes squinted as he focused on the spot before his face smoothed into understanding. 

“Oh! That is Echo’s inhibitor chip.”

Taglist (let me know if you would like to be added!):

@1fineslytherin @buddee @possiblyexisting @ttzamara @angstforce99 @crosshairscyare @rndmpeep @whore4rex @twinkofthedink @clone-whore-99 @the-sith-in-the-sky-with-diamond @sweetsunflowerkisses @amyroswell @mellowstatesmanhandsempath

@ben-is-a-hoe @scioness-7 @eternalwaffle @espuma-y-arrecife @philiasoul 

[xutokawa]

aahh the s/o finding scratch marks is fulfilling my angst needs 😭🤚🏽 could u maybe do one with bokuto & suna 🥺 i love your writing so much!! xx

pairings: suna x reader, bokuto x reader

genre(s): fluff to angst, cheating

warnings: langauge, cheating

wc: 2.3k

» masterlist

a/n: thank you for your support! I tried adding more plot to it this time hehe. breaking bokuto’s heart broke mine bro :( hope you like it! also TYSM GUYS FOR 200 FOLLOWERS FDJSKF i love every single one of yu :D <3 mwah mwah mwah

atsumu and oikawa ver.

osamu and iwazumi ver.

kuroo and sakusa ver.

akaashi and hinata ver.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Suna

“Rin, hand me the soy sauce,” you asked, not looking up from the dish you were stir frying.

“Get it yourself,” Suna teased back. Rolling your eyes, you stuck out your hand. Laughing, Suna came up behind you, placing the bottle of soy sauce in your hands before wrapping his arms around your waist. His hands snuck under your shirt, laying on your bare stomach. You leaned back into his chest, sighing contently. The two of you rarely had time together anymore. While you were burying yourself in your work in hopes for a promotion, Suna was busy with practices that extended throughout the whole day. Both of you were exhausted by the time you came home to your apartment together, unable to muster the energy to do anything except fall asleep in each other’s arms.

“Mmm, you smell good,” Suna said, taking a deep breath into your neck.

“I think that’s the fried rice you’re smelling,” you joked back. Butterflies stormed your stomach as Suna’s hands gently massaged your sides. Even after living with the middle blocker for three years, he never failed to make you feel like a crushing high school student. Suddenly, Suna’s gentle hands grew antsy, teasingly tickling your sides. Jumping, you tell him, “Rin, stop! I’m going to spill something!”

“I think I’ll keep going,” Suna teased back, his hands continuing to tickle you. With one poke to your side, your entire body jerked, causing the soy sauce in your hand to fling into the air, and onto Suna’s shirt.

“Y/n! I really liked this shirt!” Suna whined. 

“That’s your fault, baby. I told you to stop,” you shrugged, laughing at his expression.

“Whatever, I’m going to go change,” Suna pouted, turning away.

As you finished cooking, you went into your shared bedroom to tell Suna dinner was ready. You were stopped in your tracks, however, when you saw his changing form. Back to you, long scratch marks ran down the length of his back. Scratches that were not put there by you. 

“R-rin, what is this?” You asked, voice beginning to waver.

Suna spun around, eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights.

“Y/n! Why didn’t you knock?” Suna nervously asked, rushing to push his t-shirt over his head, “It’s nothing, babe, just uh, got in a fight!”

“Are you sure it was a fight? Or was it a late night in someone else's bed?” You asked accusingly, brows furrowing. Would your Suna cheat on you? You had felt pretty secure about your relationship before now, never having a reason to doubt your trust in your boyfriend. Yet, you couldn’t find it in yourself to make excuses for the lines raked down his back. 

Pain and guilt flashed across Suna’s eyes, and that’s when you knew. You were wrong to believe you gave him everything he needed in a relationship.

“Look, y/n, we can figure this out, just let me-” Suna began.

“Please, stop,” you choked out, eyes welling up with tears. The middle blocker felt his heart shatter watching you back away from him as if he were a plague. 

“No, you don’t understand! I can’t lose you like this,” Suna said, walking towards you, wanting nothing more than to pull you in his arms and wipe your tears away. He stopped in his tracks, however, when you flinched away from his touch, hatred flickering in your eyes. At that moment, Suna felt like the scum of the earth.

“Please, get away from me. Get out of this room, get out of this apartment! I don’t need your excuses,” You said, voice raising. When you finally looked up to meet Suna’s eyes, you found nothing but despair and regret. 

“No! I won’t leave you, y/n! You don’t understand how much I need-” Suna started.

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Rintarou,” you scoffed. The pain in Suna’s chest grew at the use of his full name.

“I-it’s Rin. You always call me Rin. Please, call me Rin,” Suna pleaded, voice beginning to shake, “Stop distancing yourself from me. I’m your Rin. Please, don’t leave. I’m so sorry, let me make it up to you!”

“You’re a pathetic piece of shit, Rintarou! Cheating on me and then begging for me to stay and forgive you? Tell me, what was your plan? Did you just want a quick fuck one night? Or did you plan to keep cheating on me for the rest of our relationship?” You angrily walked towards him. Suna watched as the love you once held in your eyes for him turned into agony. He felt himself crumple knowing he was the sole cause of your anger and hurt.

“No! It was a mistake! Please, let me make it up to you,” Suna reached for your hands, desperate to have you with him.

“The only mistake that was made here was me trusting you,” You said, spinning around as you headed for the door. Suna physically flinched at your words, hurt and shame flooding his body. Panic filled his mind at the sound of your keys jingling and the sound of you putting on your shoes.

“Wait! Y/n, where are you going? Please don’t leave, it’s not safe for you to go out right now. Just stay and let us talk about it,” Suna pleaded, walking up behind you.

“I’d rather be anywhere but here with you right now,” you coldly replied, reaching out for the door handle. Suna rushed to stop you from turning the knob.

“Please, y/n, I can’t handle you leaving me,” Suna whispered.

“Just leave it, Suna. No amount of begging or love can fix my trust for you,” you replied, back towards his sobbing figure. Suna finally fell to his knees in defeat as you walked out of the apartment, knowing he lost you forever.

༻﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡﹡༺

Bokuto

“Ugh, I’m so ready to just relax,” you sighed out, dramatically splaying your arms across the center console in your fiancé’s car. A tingle ran up your spine at the sound of Bokuto chuckling from beside you, not taking his eyes off the road. You could never get used to his laugh, no matter how many times you’ve heard it.

“I know, baby. You deserve it,” Bokuto replied, taking one hand off the steering wheel to place on your thigh, giving a light squeeze. The two of you had been insanely busy the month leading up to this trip. From your boss’ unrelenting demands at work to your family’s constant nagging and opinions on your wedding decorations, the two of you just needed to catch a break. So, when Bokuto brought up the idea of a weekend beach trip, you immediately agreed, jumping up and down in excitement.

The beaming sun immediately warmed your skin as you stepped out of the car. Warmth spread through your body as you glanced back at Bokuto as he started pulling out your stuff from the trunk, looking up to flash you his smile you had fallen in love with ages ago. 

“You go on ahead and find a spot for us, I’ll follow in a second,” Bokuto called out to you. Giving a thumbs up, you started towards the gleaming ocean, excitement filling your body as you felt the sand beneath your feet. Finally, choosing a spot, you unfolded your beach chair, spreading your towel across the top. A smile settled on your face as you laid down, sunglasses shielding your eyes from the harsh rays. Your eyes drifted closed, the sounds of waves crashing and children giggling putting you in a serene state.

Bokuto chuckled at your appearance before setting up his own beach chair next to you, situating a beach umbrella between the two chairs. He felt his heart speed up as he gazed at your relaxing figure, wanting nothing more than to cover your face in kisses. The spiker felt so much love for you, so he felt nothing but confusion as to how he woke up in another person’s bed two nights ago, naked. His adoration for you was replaced with guilt. Bokuto still hadn’t figured out how to approach the situation, how to tell you without you breaking off the engagement. He wanted nothing more than to watch you walk down the aisle in a few months, than to have children running around the two of you as you prepared dinner, than to grow old with you by his side. Bokuto was still unsure of what happened that night to cause him to slip out of a random person’s apartment in his clothes from the previous night.

The spiker was shook from his thoughts at the sound of your voice. 

“Are you going into the water?” you asked, looking up at him.

“Yeah, I think I will just to cool off,” Bokuto replied, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Okay, I’ll join you in a bit, I just want to lay for a little longer,” you replied to him, closing your eyes again.

“Okay, baby. Take your time,” Bokuto said, placing a kiss on your forehead before starting towards the water. You giggled as you watched your fiancé run towards the ocean. Your laughter quickly died, however, once you saw his back.

Your eyes widen with a mixture of shock and confusion, racking your brain for an explanation for the long, red strips that lined your fiance's back, but, no matter how hard you thought, nothing came up. The past month had been too hectic for the two of you to ever get close to intimate. Tears began pricking your eyes as the realization that Bokuto had cheated on you settled in your mind. 

Does he know he has scratch marks on his back? Is this his subtle way of telling me he wants to end this? That I wasn’t enough for him?

As soon as Bokuto hit the ocean, the salty water stung his back. His initial confusion as to where the pain came from was quickly replaced with realization. He shot up at the water, turning to watch you get up from your seat. 

Maybe they didn’t see, he hoped. His hopes, however, were quickly crushed as his heart dropped to his feet. You began to gather your things, rummaging through Bokuto’s belongings until you found the keys to his car.

Panicking, Bokuto ran out of the ocean as fast as he could, cursing at the water for resisting his movements. He watched helplessly as you began walking back towards the parking lot. You saw. You saw the scratch marks, and now you were leaving Bokuto. The spiker’s worst nightmares were turning into a reality right in front of his eyes.

The dull shouting of your name from down the beach sounded in your ears. You ignored Bokuto’s incessant calls for you, the ache in your heart overpowering every emotion you were feeling. 

Bokuto ran through the sand as fast as he could, hoping to catch up to you before you left his life forever. His lungs and legs were screaming, but the pain was nothing compared to the pain of you leaving. Panic rose in his eyes as he watched you get into the driver's seat, starting the engine to his car. 

Wiping the tears from your eyes, you took a shaky breath, a weak attempt to try and calm your heart. You looked down at your engagement ring, memories of that night flashing through your mind, forcing another sob to rack your body knowing that your memories now meant nothing. Banging on the car window startled you as you looked up to find a panicked Bokuto. His frantic words were muffled as you watched him desperately attempt to stop you from leaving. 

“Please, y/n, roll down the window. Let me explain, please,” Bokuto blabbered, “Y/n, please don’t leave me, you have to let me explain. I love you! I want to marry you, and you only!”

Anger surged through your body as you scoffed at his words. Rage blinded your thoughts at the mention of your impending marriage. How dare he tell you he wants to get married after cheating on you? Your brain didn’t have time to process your movements as you pulled your ring off your left hand. You watched as a glimmer of hope flickered in Bokuto’s eyes as you began to roll down the window, only to have his eyes widen in pain and shock as you handed him your engagement ring.

“You’re really a piece of shit, Bokuto. You know that?” Tears began welling up in the spiker’s eyes as he stared at the piece of metal that laid in his hands. 

“No, y/n, please. Give me your hand, please,” Bokuto frantically pleaded, reaching for your hand. The ring in his hand belonged nowhere else except your ring finger. 

“Just stop, Bokuto, you’ve already ruined everything,” you scoffed out. As his eyes met yours, he was met with a whirlwind of hurt, shame, and pity. That’s when he realized. To you, he was pathetic. The love and adoration that made your eyes shine brighter than the sun was now replaced with hatred and pain, making them burn greater than the depths of hell.

Bokuto’s heart shattered into pieces knowing you would never love him the same, knowing he broke your trust. 

“I-,” Bokuto paused, unsure of what else he could say to get you back.

“I’m sorry, y/n” the man in front of you choked out. Bokuto felt helpless as he watched you roll up your window and drive away from him, leaving him in shattered pieces.

That night, when Bokuto finally returned to his shared apartment, the reality of the situation hit him. The empty aura filling the space that he used to share with you was all it took for Bokuto to fall onto his knees, becoming a shell of his former self. You were gone.